A Fall Walk

Under the cloak
of the night
I arise
before the house stirs
and beside
my husband’s
deep
contented
sighs.

Nine months to the day
when we gave
our son away.
We said our goodbyes
and clung
to each other
to pray.

We prayed through the night
and the next days too
we prayed for his safety
for there was
no more
we could do.

And today,
this brisk morning
I lace up pearly whites
or not so white anymore
more gray,
like my rights.
I’m no longer in charge
of all my son’s days
I’m no longer involved
in all of his ways
which gives me some freedom
to step out of the door
a guilt held quite deeply
right down to
my core.

I walk for penance
I walk for peace
I pray that the guilt
will one day
lighten
and cease.

I scatter bright leaves
as I turn
and then wind
a beautiful covering
which oft brings
to mind
A coat of many colors
laced with
Betrayal
And pain
From those closest to Joseph
who gave him away.

A single
brown leaf
Embraces
its plight
The weariness
overcomes
As it succumbs
to the night.
Much like my body
after a lifetime of fight
it now
Reregulates
as I learn
to take
flight.

I hear a cock crow
thrice –
“You shall
deny me”
My Lord said
to his child
and thus
it came
to be.

Is that what I did?
Did I deny
my own son?
In creating a home
Is that what I’ve done?
I ponder the guilt
and the freedom I feel
now that caregiving duties
are infrequent
and nihl.

I walk past the bridge
and see the bright light
Standing tall in the street
It’s a welcoming sight.
I step into the glow
where I fight back
the tears
wrestling with the Lord
as I reveal
each
of my
Fears.

The manic dogs bark
For my heart is laid bare
They will scare
They will scowl
at any great dare
But –
His faithful promise
Is my armor
and I’m safe
beneath
his wings
So say
the Scriptures
about
scary things.

The Father above
also knows my pain well
For he sent
his son away
that I might avoid
Hell.
I stop
and I stare
The stars twinkle
Above
the Big Dipper
Reminds me
That I did it
in love.

Love for my boy
and for his siblings too
and love for myself
for that’s what
we do.
When we follow Christ
We obey his commands
Even if they’re hard
and require
purchased lands.

It’s now time to return
to the home
of my life.
My hope is restored
I’ve made peace
with my strife.
Jesus holds my pain
As we walk hand and hand
He’ll carry me through
across this
new
tumultuous
land.

Christ is my refuge
My place of safety
In his wings
I find healing
He alone protects me.
He protects me and my Luke
From disasters and snares
He is the one
to shoulder
each of my cares.
I look forward with joy
When one day
We embrace
And I hear him declare
Well done, my child
You’ve run your race.

Written by Jess Ronne

We’ll Get Mansions in Heaven

We’ll get mansions
in Heaven
one day
So they say…

To us weary caregivers
As we humbly
bow
and pray.

And we cuss
And we moan
And we weep
And we groan

Our souls
Laid bare
Before
His holy throne.

Our tears born of pain
And also of love
A life not imagined
But planned from above.

Or so it seems
As we drown in the deep
Fighting for services
Supplies and for sleep!

And we wipe and we bathe
And help in all the ways
Our children who need us
For the rest of their days.

We’ll get mansions
in Heaven
one day
So they say…

But I say-

I don’t need a mansion
Neither here nor there
But I do need much more
Than just a simple prayer

A meal would be nice
Or maybe a break
For my caregiving duties
Are a lot, goodness sake.

If you see a caregiver
Please offer your time
For blessing their heart
Just adds to this rhyme.

Caregivers need help!
We need to be seen
And more than just words
Or thoughts that demean

We’ll all need care
At one time or another
So let’s elevate the status
Of every father and mother.

Caregivers are the backbone
Of each society
We must keep their light bright
For you, me,and we.

Just keep livin.
Written by Jess Ronne /jessplusthemess

 

Thy Kingdom Come

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The kingdom is near!
Let us not fear
A babe born in the night
To set the world right
We usher it in
Recused of our sin
As we humbly care
At times with despair
Within sacred spaces
We each run our races
And bow our knee low
To release what we sow
Serving the meek
And also the weak
And the broken
in body
And those who can’t speak.

The kingdom belongs!
To the broken songs
And each desperate cry
And deep heavy sigh
It’s for the least of these
And for he
who always sees
the marginalized
and she, who almost dies
And the saints who are bent
And some who are spent
And those begging for bread
And seeking a place
to lay their weary head
And for he with sunken veins
And she void of future gains.

The kingdom is yours!
If you weep in the night
Raging against
a pitiful plight
It’s in the dim room
Overshadowed by gloom
And enveloped in cords
As the nurse
checks your sores
It’s soaked in quiet despair
In reluctantly shaving off hair
Or gulping down giant pills
And in the signing
of unwanted wills
Or when your spouse
whispers a plea
and begs ever quietly,
please don’t leave me.

The kingdom is here!
For you and for me
WE usher it in
With each faithful win
WE stand at the helm
Of an everlasting realm
Released by the Son on high
Where upon the cross
He bled and die
For when WE obey
We light the way
As we dare to care
And become worn for wear
When we see and submit
The eternal torch is lit
Ourselves we humbly rid
For as our savior
mercifully did.

Thy kingdom come!
Thy will be done
We all have our parts
To woe minds and hearts
Through our actions & love
We point to Christ above
As the spirit swoops in
Convicting of sin
Another sinner is found
All glory abound!
Heaven rejoices with glee
Ushered in
by you and me.
For the kingdom has come
And Thy will be done
Here on earth
And above
Eternally motivated
By a perfect babe’s love.

Merry Christmas 🎄
Written by Jess Ronne / Jessplusthemess

Monday Musings – Pruning for Self-Care

I’ve lightened my workload this summer and that means you get to enjoy guest posts and excerpts from my books. I’ll return this fall with all new Monday Musings, but in the meantime, I hope you enjoy this post from Lovin with Grit & Grace.

Pruning for Self-Care

When we lived on our rural homestead, I had a brilliant idea—of course I did. I have always taken great pleasure in a nice glass of cold chardonnay, and now that we owned thirty acres of hills, I thought, Why don’t we plant chardonnay grapes and make wine? I immediately hopped on eBay and found what I was looking for—a cluster of grapevines ready to be planted in our red southern dirt. I placed the order and eagerly awaited their arrival—with visions of my basement shelves lined with bottles of chardonnay, made from my own two hands and from the grapes that had come straight from our land. Never mind that no one has ever grown chardonnay grapes in southern US soil, as they are typically grown in climates like Michigan or Northern California because it’s the cooler weather that gives them that crisp buttery taste, or so I’ve been told. But—I was not to be deterred. I was determined to grow grapes and make wine, by golly. The grapes arrived, and Ryan and I put their tender root systems into the ground.

“Wow!” I exclaimed about thirty minutes into attempting to entrench a shovel into the hard red dry dirt that was to become my sweet little chardonnay vines’ new home. “This isn’t easy!” “I told you,” my husband replied. “Tennessee isn’t exactly known for their vineyards, and there’s probably a reason for that.” He winked, slightly annoyed, but he understood that this meant a lot to me, and he’s a trooper like that.

We continued working and within a few hours, those tender vines were planted.
The first year, nothing.
The second year, nothing.
The third year, I was so excited to see tons of growth! Twisty vine leaves going crazy! So crazy that my husband had to tie them up on wires! “Yay! It looks like we might see a few grapes this year!” I said, enthralled over the prospect of finally fulfilling my dream of making homemade wine. “Nope,” my husband replied. “Not this year. This year we’ll have to prune these vines back so that next year we can enjoy our harvest.”
“WHAT?! Why?!” I wailed. “It looks so promising right now!”
“I know, babe, but that’s what we have to do to ensure the best harvest. You have to prune to create room for real growth. If we leave the branches the way they are this year, sure, we’ll see a grape here or there; but if we prune them this year, next year you’ll be able to reap a harvest!” “Fine,” I agreed, disappointed but willing to take him at his Word.

That spring we did indeed prune those branches. It hurt to see all that potential being hauled off to the burn pile, but I was excited to see what the next spring would bring, hopeful that my dreams of winemaking were only a few months away!

Even the best-laid plans can go awry. That fall, I heard, “Jess, they want to schedule a PET scan. They think it might be cancer.” Fear and uncertainty hung in the air as we contemplated our life that had become overwhelming and had led to Ryan’s health issues. For the past six years, he had single-handedly renovated our homestead, a sprawling 6,000 square foot home that was in dire need of everything when we purchased it, in addition to our daily life and work, which were hectic!

We were so overwhelmed we couldn’t see straight. After receiving the news that all was clear on the scan (Praise the Lord!), we knew something had to give, or the next scare might not turn out as positively. It was really that simple; so, we evaluated our lives. What could we say no to? And what needed pruning? After a season of prayer, we knew that it was time to say goodbye to our beautiful homestead in rural Tennessee and goodbye to the grapevines. Goodbye to my dreams of making homemade chardonnay.

We packed up what once was our dream life and by Christmas that year, we found a home near Nashville, and we moved. Although I never got to see a single grape on those grapevines, a student of mine gifted me with something special on my last day of teaching. He and his grandfather made homemade wine from the muscadine grapes—apparently, those do well in the South—and he brought me a bottle.

We pruned what wasn’t working to make room for something that might. We said no to rural life in order to say yes to us. Is there something affecting your mental, physical, or spiritual health? Pick up those shears and prune it. It will sting at first, but it’s worth it. Every ounce of my being was sad to say goodbye to rural life; but in saying goodbye, I said yes to my husband’s and family’s wellbeing.

Want to hear more of our story? Check out my three books below!

 

       

BUY NOW                               BUY NOW                               BUY NOW