Category: My Story

It’s Time To Go Home.

Posted on by Jessica Ronne

I’m a big believer in the number 7. Back in December 2019, when Luke was in ICU for a month I wrote –

“This morning, the 27th day of December, marks the 7th time I’ve sat in a room surrounded by soothing pastel paintings as I wait for news while a surgeon slices through a loved one’s head. In a few days we’ll flip our calendars to 2020 and that’ll mark seven years of our family living in Tennessee. Seven and Surrender. A word and a number now claim my thoughts.”

And each of these concepts – Seven and Surrender – have been continuous reverberations since that day in late December. I knew when we flipped the calendar to 2020 that something was about to change and possibly come to fruition although I wasn’t entirely sure what it was going to look like at the time.

In Biblical history, the number 7 is drenched in meaning and represented completion, rest, and victory. The completion of creation which culminated in rest on the 7th day, every 7th year was set aside for God’s chosen people as a year of rest and jubilee, and Joshua’s march around Jericho which resulted in victory on the 7th day.

On that gut wrenching day in late December when I sent my son off for brain surgery yet again, I chose to surrender to a will higher than my own and 2020 did unravel – for sure! – into a complete ridiculous reality in many ways: Ryan’s surgery, my broken foot, quarantined with 8 children, loss of income and lots of despair and questions, but it also brought blessings: a book deal, a podcast, a documentary project, healing for Ryan and Luke, the sale of two houses; a breakthrough with Luke’s communication, and clarity over what is important for us in life, particularly the importance of being immersed within the community of friends and family. Last summer, our 7th year in Tennessee, that clarity resulted in a decision to purchase land and build a house in Michigan. Yes, we are moving back to my home town.

Our hearts have been slowly accepting this move for over a year and included whispers of “Should we? Could we?” And after Luke’s (and then Ryan’s) surgeries, we knew that “Yes, we had to.” We had to move back home for resources and support. We could no longer do this immensely chaotic and exhausting life on our own, and if we attempted to, it might destroy us. We needed help. We need options when something goes off kilter, we need people to surround us when the unexpected occurs, and this became crystal clear after months of rehabilitation for Luke and Ryan.

We purchased land in July, the 7th month of 2020, and we are going home to build a beautiful accessible ranch for our family with a big sensory room for Luke and the kids; a home with a bike path straight to the Lake – Lake Michigan! – right outside our front door; a bike path that will bring immense enjoyment with Luke’s new accessible bike trailer; a path that leads to a playground less than a mile away. It’s time to stop putting our faith in the government for resources and time to put our faith in those who know and love us well. It’s time to rejoin the feast of community.

Yes, this decision was made largely with Luke in mind as Tennessee (and the South overall) lacks in resources as children like him age, and Michigan offers more possibilities including year round school until he’s 26 years old. That’s huge! Summers without any structure or anyone who will help with him have becoming overwhelmingly exhausting. We’ve also had the opportunity to tour a residential facility we would be very open to considering in the future; a beautiful place brimming with loving, Godly people who serve the least of these with their whole hearts. We are preparing for a future where our children have families of their own, and we want to have a plan in place to provide the time and energy needed for all our kid’s lives. This has been a heart wrenching decision, but we feel an immense peace that it is time. Our years in Tennessee were needed to bring our newly blended family together, a beautiful time away from distractions that melded us together which you will get to read about in my book Blended with Grit and Grace releasing this June, but now it’s time to say goodbye. It’s time to go home.

And as always, we continue to surrender – not really knowing what the future has in store but having faith that He will provide. When the cloud moves, we move. Moment by moment and step by step – walking in obedience into what he has next for the Ronne family in this 43rd year of life (4+3 = 7) and Luke’s 16th year (1+6=7). I surrender, and I believe that the next 7 years are going to be a time of rest and victory.

And, of course, I’ll document our progress which has already had its share of joys and trials as will life until the day I die, I suppose. Ryan and I usually travel to Mexico in January or February, and this year we went to Michigan where we spent the week clearing our property. Mexico, Michigan, pretty similar, right? The tentative plan includes a move this summer and living in a rental property while our house is being built. Crazy? A little, but a good crazy. It feels right. And it’s going to be quite the journey.

Stay tuned.

Just keep livin.

Radical Obedience Leads to Grace

Posted on by Jessica Ronne

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act accordingly to his good purpose. Philippians 2: 12-13

What does it mean to work out our salvation?

What determines faith? Or Godliness? A man or woman wholeheartedly committed to the Lord? What is the “it” factor that David possessed, a man after God’s own heart? Or Enoch, who “walked with God and then was no more?” Or Mary—supernaturally impregnated, holding the Messiah within her womb? Or Noah, who was credited with blamelessness?

The more I meditate on the actions of these heroes of faith, the more I see how everything is connected to obedience; actions intertwined with movement forward, and obedience becomes the barometer of faithfulness and even surpasses character flaws, personality quirks, and bad choices.

And this obedience is often required in the face of a seemingly ridiculous request, a request that the rest of the world might find unbelievable and absurd, a request that quite likely will require brash courage and thick skin because the naysayers will have some nay-saying for sure.

Radical obedience will often look like radical insanity; the kind of obedience that was displayed by these folks who also struggled with flaws, personality quirks, and sometimes really questionable choices such as:

David—obeyed and killed Goliath (but struggled with lying, murder, and adultery)

Joseph—obeyed and married a pregnant virgin (but grumbled about it)

Noah—obeyed and built a huge boat (and struggled with drunkenness and incest)

Rahab—obeyed and helped the spies (and made her living as a prostitute)

Ruth—obeyed and followed her mother-in-law to a foreign land (and probably was not as innocent with Boaz as we’d like to think)

Samson—obeyed and killed the Philistines (where do we start with this guy? Proud, brash, womanizer)

Esther—obeyed and saved her people (which probably had to do win the King’s favor through more than just words)

Abraham—obeyed when the Lord called him to sacrifice his son (but was also a liar)

Jesus Christ—obeyed and went to the cross (and also liked a good party and hung out with questionable folks).

Contrast these characters with a few who didn’t obey and you get…

Adam and Eve—kicked out of the garden

Moses—couldn’t enter the Promised Land

Lot’s wife—turned into stone

All the people who laughed at Noah—drowned

Jonah—eaten by a whale.

I’ve been asked to obey seemingly ridiculous requests a time or two: carry a terminal baby, and then raise him, by laying down my desire for easy every single day for 16+ years, and obey what I’ve been called to do: care for the least of these, a child who cannot care for one single need without assistance. I obeyed and married a widower less than a year after burying my husband; a man with 3 young children. I obeyed and became a voice for caregivers, and I’ve told my story—including the really hard parts, in spite of a spirit of fear. I obeyed and started a non-profit, even though it was (and is!) a ton of volunteer work.

I’ve been ridiculed, mocked, & questioned many times. Heck, I’ve questioned myself a time or two. My resolve has wavered but not faltered, and there’s been a protection of grace which I believe arises out of obedience: obedience in spite of my stubbornness, mouthiness, know-it-all attitude, grumbling and, at times, bad choices.

Sometimes I obey joyfully, and sometimes I do not. Sometimes I make good choices, and sometimes I do not. Sometimes I obey immediately and sometimes it takes weeks (or months), but I do believe that my heart is measured not by my human reactions and tendencies, but instead by the level of obedience I extend to the difficult calls that have been placed on my life.

Every action is either obedience towards His perfect will, or disobedience.

And the working out part?

That’s where (hopefully) the character flaws and personality quirks and bad choices start to iron out. Instead of grumbling, I zip it. Instead of whining and complaining, I speak kindly. Instead of zoning out on Facebook, I take Luke for a walk. Choice by choice, moment by moment, obedience towards His ultimate purpose and plan.

Just Keep Livin

Just Keep Livin

Posted on by Jessica Ronne

In our modern age and particularly in our American culture we avoid death; we like to pretend we can somehow outwit the grim reaper – create a magical potion or a pill or a procedure that will enable us to live forever. We’ve stuffed death into quiet convenient corners: hospice, ICU rooms and nursing homes & then we fit the dying into our schedules as they prepare to leave this earth. Not a single one of us gets out of this grand and beautiful thing called life with breath in our lungs. Not a one.

This truth is deeply embedded in my soul after learning that death was imminent for my unborn baby who had suffered a stroke, and after lying beside my 33 year old husband as cancer ravaged his body; a strong man affectionately known as Superman to those closest to him – and Superman died – the suffering of this earth & the beauty of the afterlife so translucent as he communicated with angels & those who’ve gone before.

Death will tap each of us on the shoulder. Maybe we’ll feel the tap, tap, tap from the devastating effects of cancer, or maybe an accident will bring life to a screeching halt, or possibly Covid will be the villain we’ve feared all along or perhaps we’ll be one of the lucky ones who passes away in our sleep – death by old age – but every single day we’re blessed with time, we also move one step closer to the clock striking midnight – with or without a magical potion. And the only way to outsmart death is to live: eating, drinking, folding laundry, sweeping floors & reading bedtime stories, because through movement, our choice to face another day, we honor the life still present in our lungs, and we honor our Creator, and we honor those who’ve already breathed their last.

Just keep livin

A Virus Manifesto – What this hot mess may be telling us about ourselves.

Posted on by Jessica Ronne

This Halloween picture we took a few years ago feels more & more like reality lately. The end of the world, every man for himself, protect you and yours, Armageddon.

Ryan & I thrive off a “live off the land” ideology – it makes us a bit giddy – making bread & soap & homemade wine & growing food. It’s why we lived in rural TN for 6 years. But – there is an unsettling fear when this lifestyle is forced upon us by the threat of a virus. Maybe the fear has been manufactured by the media or perhaps by our internal desire to survive at all cost but what I’ve found interesting is this – along with the fear is a bubbling of anticipation.

I’ve tentatively posed this question to a few people – barely whispering

“Do you feel it too? The tingle of expectancy?”

Afraid that maybe I was the only one who felt the silver lining, but I wasn’t. There was agreement – yes, there is a sliver of anticipation attached to the anxiety and fear.

And why? What are these emotions telling us?

I believe these feelings are screaming out our desperation. Desperate to return to the basics. Desperate for our lives to have meaning; desperate to defend our loved ones in the face of danger; to act valiently & courageously & have someone come through for us – that’s why books like The Road and Grapes of Wrath are world wide best sellers and movies like Armageddon and End of Days sell out at the box office and The Walking Dead is on its 10th season – we are achingly desperate to have something replace the never ending scrolling & online shopping & google searches & accumulating & acquiring & rushing, and, and, and…. & we detest our habits, but our addictions hold us firmly tethered to their poison & now we see this world wide catastrophe – everything everywhere shutting down & we’re being forced into our homes with our loved ones – like cattle forced to the feed lot – & we see it as an opportunity, a glimpse, of maybe stering our lives back on track & that’s exciting.

We are so ready to defend our children against illness rather than against online bullies and pornography which seems like a battle we can not win. We are so ready to have meaningful conversations with our teenagers because we’re actually home for more than 5 minutes. We’re so ready to protect our loved ones within the safe confines of home & we’re so ready to make meals together & gather for family games & educate our children & kick the ball on the front lawn. We’re so ready to have time again.

Our hearts are screaming to slow down, but we have no idea how to make it happen and this – THIS may be our ticket out of the craziness we call life.

Go home.
Exhale.
Stop scrolling.

Practice gratefulness & contentedness & patience & self control – manna for the moment – values buried in the madness of modern life. Be still & silent. Teach your children these long lost arts: reading & baking & looking one another in the eyes as we speak.

Do what matters. Be in life fully with those you love.

Whether this madness pans out to Armageddon or fizzles in a few weeks, let’s examine our lives. The busyness, the constant stress, the depression. What is our heart aching for in these troubled times. Family? Peace? Joy? Follow that thread as we collectively hunker down. Not detracting from the hardships many are enduring but perhaps these might be self induced & aren’t really serving us to begin with.

Myself included.

Just keep livin