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JessPlusMess

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Sunlight Burning at Midnight a memoir by Jessica Ronne

 

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Just some random, irrelevant, humorous, and hopefully inspiring musings on life, love, faith, widowhood, remarriage, adoption, blended families, caring for a handicapped child, mothering seven children, chickens, cooking, grief, over-coming grief, and everything else in between. Just Keep Livin!!
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A baby gone too soon.
A beloved family member diagnosed with cancer.
A dear woman battles emotional and physical abuse at the hands of her husband.
Children scavage for food in third world countries.
Ten year old girls lose their innocence and their humanity as they are sold as sex slaves.  

It hurts like hell.
It stings
It all falls so painfully short of what we feel this life should be
It aches like betrayal on a massive scale
A world wide scale
And we, humanity, are the victims left in the wake.
A big joke played on all of us
By a bunch of pranksters residing in the Heavenlies.  

And we numb the pain with drugs
With wine
With anger
And sleep
Or hurtful silences
Or busyness
Or denial
We numb our cells to the best of our abilities
To avoid feeling
To avoid the reality
To avoid the ache
But when the numbing wears off
It still hurts
And we rage against our Creator
Our cells scream
We groan from the never lands
We weep for the lost tomorrows
And forgotten yesterdays
And the vacant presents
And there are still no answers
The Creator is silent.

The baby remains absent
And grandma starts chemotherapy
And the “C” word enters our children’s vocabulary once again
Along with the “D” word in regards to their unknown sibling

And our eyes spill in response to their tears
And children still starve
And that woman still aches for a loving spouse
And girls are raped again and again
And that is the reality of what we call life.
And that is why our hearts ache for something purer
And bigger
And more beautiful
We ache for more
We need more
We yearn for a hereafter
Where all the pain is gone
And every tear is wiped from our eyes
Our hearts scream for some sort of redemption
Something that makes it bearable again
All of creation grapples with the injustice we’ve been served
And we shake our fists in righteous indignation towards the pain we have endured in our fallen nature.
Our souls search through the fragility of our humanity for something deeper.

The “Whys?!” we scream
Why is a Godly woman ravaged by an insidious disease?
Why a baby, an innocent child who has harmed not one, taken so early?
Why!?!?
We scream to the Heavens
To anyone who will turn a listening ear towards our anguish

And we hardly dare to place our hope in that distant Eastern star.
A star pointing to a road less traveled
To a little town
Called Bethlehem.
We scarcely dare to believe that Bethlehem offers something new
Something different
Something in an old barn,
A rustic trough
A baying donkey
A cow silently watching
A tiny baby boy
Wrapped in humility
Yet drenched in majesty
From perfection
To hell
All to give us, his beloved creation, a glorious hope in something more.

And we scream for our Christmas miracle
We kneel before our Savior
And we beg for it to be different
Beg for him to metamorphose it all into something beautiful
Something we vaguely hope will be used for his glory and his honor.

Something not of our world
But something magnificently captured in the hereafter of it all.

He gives and takes away
Blessed be his name.

Moments define our lives
Moments of sadness, joy and pain.
Within these moments we are eternally changed
For worse
Or for better…

Until we meet again baby Ronne.  
You were lost too soon….
All my love
Mama.  

Thank you for reading.
Thank you for your support over this past year with my blog. Thank you for loving my family.  Thank you for rooting us on as we blend, move, attempt to grow, and now suffer loss once again.
Thank you for understanding that I need a break.  I will always come back to my writing, but I just need to BE for a few weeks.  I need to be with my family, my husband, my God and my thoughts.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  May that baby boy in a manager bless each one of you during this beautiful season of redemption.  Merry, Merry Christmas.

Always follow the star in the East, it will never, ever disappoint.  HE is all we need.

 

star-of-bethlehem

Just keep livin…

Tagged in: faith Grief life My Story
Recent Comments - Show all comments
  • Nicole
    Nicole says #
    Prayin for ya .....no words...been there
  • Michigan reader
    Michigan reader says #
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been following your blog for a couple of years and love reading about your family. May you find
  • Rochelle
    Rochelle says #
    So sorry!! Praying for God's strength to surround you & bring you peace.

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