familypic
 
JessPlusMess

Limited Edition

Autographed Copy

Sunlight Burning at Midnight a memoir by Jessica Ronne

 

Subscribe to Blog

Your Name:
Your Email:

Search

Just some random, irrelevant, humorous, and hopefully inspiring musings on life, love, faith, widowhood, remarriage, adoption, blended families, caring for a handicapped child, mothering seven children, chickens, cooking, grief, over-coming grief, and everything else in between. Just Keep Livin!!
Subscribe to this list via RSS Blog posts tagged in My Story

For those who don't know, I have been working on a memoir for ten years now. Yes, you read that correctly, ten, long, painful years. 

The story begins with a complicated pregnancy, progresses into my late husband's battle with brain cancer, and ends with my current life.  I am now in the process of trying to find an agent who will go to bat for the finished product.  In the meantime, for those who desire a little taste of the book before advocating for its publication (just kidding, but I don't blame those of you who thought this way)  I will be sharing samples of a few of the chapters in the next few posts. If you enjoy what you read, please spread the word!  I can use all the words (and mouths and Facebook shares, and pins and tweets) as possible to make this ten year dream a reality.  Thank you!

 An excerpt from the chapter A Shattered Reality

“According to your faith it will be done” Matthew 9:29

May 8, 2004
I’m devastated; we found out yesterday that our baby has hydrocephalus, a term completely unknown to me. It’s water on the brain - too much water in the ventricles - and a small cerebellum, which breaks down into almost certain brain damage and death. I’m heart broken and hopeful. Now we have four months and our motto has become, “When God heals this baby.” We are believing and praying for a miracle and believing that “God’s not finished knitting this baby together yet.” We’re claiming verse after verse, “All things are possible to him who believes”; “Ask and these things shall be given to you”; “By his stripes we are healed.”
I’m truly learning what it means to pray without ceasing. We are claiming victory over Satan, and we believe that we will have a testimony to shout to the world. That being said, I’m going for a second opinion on May 20. The doctors will be amazed at the progress of this baby. The baby kicks me often signaling strength and determination and that gives me strength. We have a huge army of prayer partners and by faith we will overcome this.

When I went for a second opinion it turned out to be one of the worst days of my life. I don’t know if I was in denial of how bad the initial prognosis was but for whatever reason, I went alone. I remember driving to the appointment with butterflies swirling in my stomach; which I tried to dismiss as nerves. I remember trying to pray, but the prayers became stuck in my throat. Stepping into the elevator felt like climbing within a coffin where I would slowly suffocate to death. I remember looking around the waiting room at all the pregnant women with concerned looks on their faces, and thinking, why do they all look so sad? Do they all have problems with their babies? I remember walking into the ultrasound room and feeling the complete absence of warmth. No beauty relieved the coldness, no picture of a mother holding a child or a sunset over the water, nothing to remind those who nervously waited of the potential for joy within the world.

I remember feeling a large, heavy set woman poking and prodding with her stubby fingers at my thin, slightly rounded body as the silence continued to descend upon the room, the air thickened with many unspoken thoughts. I looked at this woman, the expert I was sent to, repeatedly trying to catch her eye to shake her unmovable countenance. I wanted to see a glimpse of understanding in her cold stare, but she continuously refused to make eye contact; she refused to make me an individual; she refused to feel anything for me; and I began to despise her. The hand pokes turned to prodding with the ultrasound wand as she silently walked about with an air of intellectual superiority, contemplating the defective nature of what lay within my round belly. I found myself suffocating beneath the smugness of her attitude, and in the uncomfortable silence, thinking about the nature of her large belly looming over me. I focused on her defective obesity as a coping mechanism to avoid thinking about the diagnosis that was coming regarding the imperfection held within my womb.  

I lay upon the metal table, completely still, as she spoke in hushed tones with the nurse, and the gravity of the situation began to descend upon me. Hot, confused tears started to flow uncontrollably, and when the doctor glanced at me and noticed, she nonchalantly asked, “Where’s your husband? He should be here for this news.” I explained, blubbering through words, that we hadn’t realized the severity of the situation, and he had remained home with our other son.

The obese doctor started drawing repetitive circles on the white board, assumedly a simple demonstration of how she viewed my baby’s predicament. I sat there, feeling like a child who was failing miserably with a particular subject in school, but the subject I was in jeopardy of failing was that of being pregnant. My disappointed teacher drew a large head representing the accumulated fluid and then continued to draw monotonous circles around that head, signifying continued growth as the fluid increased month by month. I half expected her to finally draw a big BOOM with scribbles and chaos as the head ultimately exploded. She didn’t. She simply said, “If I were you, I would take care of it and try again. You are a healthy young girl, and you won’t have any problems getting pregnant. In fact, you will be doing this baby a favor because these kinds of fetuses have a way of spontaneously aborting because they are not supposed to make it. It’s just nature’s way.”

 

That baby today...

 

luke13

Just keep livin!!

Tagged in: faith My Story
Recent Comments - Show all comments
  • kathy lewis
    kathy lewis says #
    I really want the book please let me know when and where to get it..you all are so great to me what all you both have been through
  • Chrissy
    Chrissy says #
    Now that I sit here in tears just from reading this little piece of your book I look forward to reading the rest. Lucas has brough
  • Grandma Holly
    Grandma Holly says #
    You should send a letter or the book to the Dr. That gave you the second opinion. As I remember even in ICU the Dr we saw wasn't t

Latest Blogs

Pure Goodness Spaghetti Sauce
3-4 TB olive oil (depends on how much garlic and onions you add). 1 large onion chopped 4-5 TB finely chopped fresh garlic (You can add chopped celery as well if you want) Saute these three ingredients for a few minutes. Add 4 14 ounce cans of quality tomatoes (crushed or whole is fine - I like Carmelina brand) Add as much fresh spinach as the pot will hold. 4 TB Italian seasoning 1/4 cup maple syrup 1/4 cup red wine 2 cups of tomato juice (we make our own) Salt and pepper to taste Simmer all of this on low for an hour or two.  Turn heat off and blend all together with a han...
Continue Reading...
Marriage Pep Talk and a GIVEAWAY!
In my second marriage to Ryan I have valiantly attempted to right the wrongs that I naively produced in the first marital relationship. They say “ignorance is bliss,” and I suppose that I was ignorant the first time around; however, having my eyes wide open through a second opportunity has changed my perspective on life and love. A few of my initial struggles were cemented in my identity as a strong willed, first born, young wife, and often included a lack of respect towards my husband (I knew best, of course!), and one that goes hand in hand with the respect issue, a lack of grace. I usually...
Continue Reading...
Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights
This week’s recipe is a spin off of my go to, extremely easy, “I only have 5 minutes to whip something together” dessert. The original recipe called for peanut butter, egg, and sugar. I’ve amped up the health factor by substituting some of the ingredients and adding a few more. My kids love em. Hope you do too. Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights. 1 cup almond butter 1 egg ½ cup maple syrup ½ cup pecans ½ cup dark chocolate chips. Mix everything together in a big bowl. Spoon droplets onto a cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 10-15 minutes. Just keep livin!
Continue Reading...
Numero Uno Sanity System - THE BIN
At the Ronne homestead we employ many systems in order to maintain some level of functionality for the family and for the parent’s sanity. The bin system is by far the most useful and consistent tool we use as it has been in place from almost day one of our blended family. This is a system that I grew up with (as the oldest of 10 children) and loathed with every cell of my being as a child. Funny how it made its way into my grownup family as well. The bin (or the brown box that I grew up with) is just a plastic container that holds the children’s misdemeanors for the week. The system starts ...
Continue Reading...
Healthier Chicken N` Dumplings
Simmering away and filling the house with deliciousness, my healthier take on a classic - chicken n' dumplings. This version includes bone broth, organic chicken, a plethora of herbs, and lots and lots of fresh veggies. Chicken N' Dumplings5 organic chicken breasts cut into bite sized piecesVariety of fresh veggies (carrots, mushrooms, celery, leeks, even spinach, whatever you have on hand) roughly chopped.Olive oilItalian spiceVege Sal1 tea thymeSalt if you must but the Vege Sal does a great job of seasoning if you let it.Pepper to taste2 cups water6 cups bone broth (or vegetable or chicken b...
Continue Reading...
Chocolate Cheese. Why Not?
Ryan and I enjoyed a wonderful, romantic dinner together on Valentine’s Day.  We don’t have the opportunity to travel far on most holidays or special occasions because of Annabelle, and since we only have two restaurants that we enjoy within about a ten mile radius of our home, Ryan suggested that we hire Mya to take care of Annabelle in the basement while he and I cook together.  We indulged in salad, pasta, bread, and one of our favorite, easy, desserts - dark chocolate cheese.  Sadly, we were too full from all the pasta, bread, and salad to even indulge in our dessert that ev...
Continue Reading...
Weekly Recipe - Healthier Cornbread
  Healthier Cornbread. 1/4 melted butter 1/4 melted coconut oil Mix these two together in a big bowl.   Add 1/4 cup plus 2 TB Maple syrup to the butter/oil mixture. Stir well. Cool this mixture.  Add 2 eggs, 1/2 tea baking soda, and 3/4 cup almond milk to the same bowl. Mix well.  Add 1 cup flour, 1 cup corn meal, 1/2 tea salt.  Mix again. Grease a large cast iron skillet with coconut oil.  Pour mixture into the skillet and bake at 375 for 20 minutes.  Enjoy!   
Continue Reading...
Healthy, Luke Approved Turkey Burgers
As promised, I'm going to attempt to post a weekly Luke approved recipe, and the first one up are these super tasty, super nutritious turkey burgers that we had last night for dinner. This is my new favorite meal since giving up (for the majority of the time) red meat, well, this and the close cousin of the turkey burger, the chicken burger. In most of these recipes you will notice that I tend to pack as much hidden nutrition as humanly possible into the dish  because Luke is quite texture sensitive (if it's too hard (carrots and most veggies) or to...
Continue Reading...
Pebbles
 These past few weeks have been exhausting as a gigantic tidal wave of anger, despair, and helplessness has blasted upon humanity, invading our lives and our homes, crushing societies and towns and social media morale as the wave pounds and beckons and taunts us through the pale white glare, the Apple held firmly in our grasp, our tongues panting for all of the sweet drops of nectar, but as the story of old forewarns, the Apple is not always what it seems.  The wave continues its relentless, unforgiving pursuit, but we refuse to move or turn away lest we miss something! NO! We must k...
Continue Reading...
Cartful of Marriage Drama.
Hello friends, I'm here to interrupt your regularly scheduled Facebook drama and political controversies to involve you in an ongoing debate between my husband, myself, and this innate object -
Continue Reading...