This is my story, some of it is old and some, new and fresh and some just to private to tell. I grew up in a loving Christian home with a Mom and Dad who are still married along with brothers. We had a lot of fun and my brothers could get pretty crazy on occasion. Because I was a book worm and introspective, I often felt lonely. I felt God calling me at a young age and accepted Jesus at 11. We never missed church or Sunday school and getting ready was always a big deal, shoes lined up and polished, Sunday clothes, hats and gloves for me and for Mom. After I graduated from high school, I went to nursing school, met my future husband, graduated and got married.
We had three wonderful children Jason, Kimberly, and David, each unique and special, gifted and so loved . We had fun times, and I tried to teach our children good Christian values and instill in them a love for Jesus. The joy of raising our children is certainly a highlight in my life. We had the normal ups and downs as a family, joys, friends, financial issues at times and some pretty serious surgeries for me. Faith during difficult times was essential, and without pain or hurt I learned we can never truly love. Without it we are shallow, without any depth, with nothing to give. In this mix came divorce which really broke me, it took a long, painful time to heal and again God was always close and faithful. Thankfully friends, family, and God whispering to me, led me through the pain.
In the off Broadway play "the Fantasticks" the villain El Gallo charms the young lady and leads her boyfriend astray. As he leaves and she packs to leave with him, he goes and she says, you can never really know love unless you have been hurt. Hurts, pain, and tragedy can bring us to a depth we never imagined, but in that depth God is always faithful; he always keeps his word, and he never leaves. Which leads me to the meat of my story, as you know if you read this blog, Jason my son, passed away. He and his lovely wife Jessica had a difficult time with both sets of parents divorcing and Luke who is awesome being born with some pretty serious handicaps requiring surgeries and special care.
It is immensely difficult to watch your child become critically ill and struggle with the effects of cancer while trying to be a good father and husband. He was a strong warrior for God, and his faith grew exponentially as he became weaker. I loved my son so much and it was so hard to give him back. I always said the worst thing would be to lose your child, I could not imagine that but I was called to do this very thing.
After his death, through much prayer, I was blessed with a wonderful husband and new grandchildren, sons and daughter-in-laws. I am so blessed because I know where my son is, he is in heaven . How cool is that!!! God told me that Jason finished the job he had for him to do, he was pleased with him, that he ran the race he was meant to run. I had been praying for a new Godly husband for Jessica and the kids. He told me it was Ryan's turn now, and that I was to be Mom and Grandma to them because God knew my heart and knew that would be best.
Jason loves them from heaven and Ryan loves them on earth.
After I married Gord, I suddenly seemed to have a proclivity for falling down and having surgery, three times in our marriage so far but who's counting. Last November, while I was visiting my daughter, I noticed a quite large lump in my breast. When I arrived home we did the usual tests, ultrasounds, biopsies, etc, and come to find out I had invasive,aggressive, metastatic breast cancer. I have just finished chemo ,will have surgery, more chemo and then radiation. The good new is, I have a loving husband who is by my side who unfortunately lost his first wife to breast cancer. He has certainly been there, done that. But I am good, God is good, I have a peace about my situation no matter what happens because I know where I'm going. The joy of The Lord is my strength. In the end what is really important? Work ,yes....family of course.....money ,not in and of its self, it's best when you can spread it around and do good. Fame? Power? Nope, we've seen where that leads. Really the only thing that matters is living a life that is pleasing to God ....as the song says "loving God, loving each other, making music with my friends.” That's it.
The joy of The Lord is my strength, and if God can use this or any part of my life to turn someone to Him, it's all worth it!!!
Just keep livin!!