familypic
 
JessPlusMess

Limited Edition

Autographed Copy

Sunlight Burning at Midnight a memoir by Jessica Ronne

 

Subscribe to Blog

Your Name:
Your Email:

Search

Just some random, irrelevant, humorous, and hopefully inspiring musings on life, love, faith, widowhood, remarriage, adoption, blended families, caring for a handicapped child, mothering seven children, chickens, cooking, grief, over-coming grief, and everything else in between. Just Keep Livin!!
Subscribe to this list via RSS Blog posts tagged in Grief

Why don’t you write about grief anymore?

I’ve been asked this question a time or two.

First, I don’t write much on anything anymore except for critical essays on John Milton or papers comparing writing pedagogies, both graduate classes that will be finished in three weeks, hallelujah!

Writing about painful circumstances used to be therapeutic as I sorted through my ideas, beliefs, confusion, and the questions of others which usually sounded something like, “How could you move on so quickly? Or fielding suggestions which seemed to accuse me of not grieving long enough (whatever that means).  I don’t feel a need to justify my decisions anymore so the grief subject is not one that usually comes to mind when I sit down to write. I’d rather write about the present than constantly focus on the pain of the past.

I also don’t write about grief much anymore because I truly believe that what you allow your thoughts to dwell on will define you as a person and ultimately define your life, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things” Philippians 4:8.  I’ve chosen to focus my thoughts on the blessing of this life, right now. I’ve had horrible tragedies occur, but I choose not to consistently dwell on these.    

For example, if I had been literally raped, I wouldn’t want to be defined by this one action that occurred in my life.  I would in no way want to give a rapist that kind of power over me, just as I don’t want to give the Devil and sin a hold over my life in terms of the tragedies that occurred because of mankind’s fall. The fall is the past, but humanity is free because of Christ’s sacrifice, free from guilt, free from dwelling in pain, and free in Him.  I understand and respect that there is a time to mourn what was stolen, a time to acknowledge the pain that a tragedy infused into a life, acknowledge how that pain has changed a person, but I will not dwell in the horribleness forever and ever.  This is not how I believe we are intended to live life.  I was raped, in a sense, raped of my idea of a perfect child and blessed with Luke instead.  Raped of my idea of growing old with my children’s biological father and instead, through his death, I have gained so much.  People may say, “That’s not fair that he had to die for you to gain,” or “How could you consider his death your gain?”  It isn’t fair if you look at it through the lens of humanity, but when you look at it through God’s lens, it becomes crystal clear.  Jason won.  He believed in Jesus Christ, and now he has the victory that we as Christians put our hope and faith in.  He has his crown of life, and God blessed me through the journey.

I think about today, Easter, and the significance of this one day.  Christ died, a tragedy, and it is meaningless without the resurrection.  If we focus on the cross it becomes just a really sad story. As Christians, we should focus on the empty tomb, that’s the good part, the part that should cause us to cheer! Jesus ripped down the veil that separated God from mankind, and he redeemed us, not even through being nailed to the cross but through his defeat of the Devil and sin’s hold on our lives. The tragedies of my life do not define me as a person, just as the tragedy of the cross does not define my Savior.  Without the blessing of the resurrection Christ’s death just sucks; it is gut wrenching suckiness.  Without the resurrection of a Savior, we have no hope, no hope for our loved ones who have passed before us, no hope for salvation, no hope that God has a better plan than we could ever understand or comprehend.

Jesus Christ turned my mourning into dancing and created beauty from the ashes.  I have a life that I never in a million years thought I could have because I didn’t stay stuck in the muck.  The Bible talks about a time to mourn because mourning is not supposed to last forever.  There is a time for grief, for pouring over pictures, for crying, for sobbing, for watching the video of a loved one over and over again, for reading and rereading love letters, and then there is a time to consciously make the choice to live. To move away from the pain, move away from the things of despair, move out of the past, and into something that is life giving. We need to consciously move away from the empty tomb and into a resurrected story.  


“He is not here, he has risen just as he said!” Matthew 28:6.

empty-tomb
Just keep livin!

Tagged in: faith Grief

Latest Blogs

Mother's Day Sale and Interview
Just a few items for consideration as you go about your week.   First - In honor of all of the wonderful mothers, grandmothers, and motherly figures in the world, I'm offering a Buy One / Get One 1/2 off sale on all autographed copies of Sunlight Burning at Midnight ordered here on the blog and also at Facebook/jessplusthemess.  It's the perfect time to buy one for yourself and then gift another to that special someone in your life. This sale will be honored all the way through to Mother's Day - May 14.  If you'd like the books sent to different ad...
Continue Reading...
Easter Memories 2017
One way we’ve been able to accomplish this desire is by peeling back many of the layers of what’s expected for a particular holiday and ask ourselves: A. Do we have the energy levels required to enjoy this activity (whatever it may be – elaborate meal, presentation, etc) or will this addition stress us out and if so, the activity needs to be eliminated or reconfigured to meet our current energy levels so that it doesn’t potentially hinder the true meaning of the holiday, and B. What simple traditions can we incorporate to ensure that our children are honoring whatever this holiday is truly a...
Continue Reading...
Two Beautiful Books, My Kid's Reactions, and a GIVEAWAY!
A few weeks ago I was offered the opportunity to review two recently released children's books, I’m Going to Give you a Bear Hug by Caroline Cooney / Illustrated by Tim Warnes and Bible Basics, A Baby Believer Counting Primer by Danielle Hitchen / Illustrated by Jessica Blanchard. 
Continue Reading...
Big Changes Are 'A Comin
Blessed but stressed has been our life motto for over three years now – ever since we made the decision to add an 8th child to our family. Some have raised questioning eyebrows with this decision, but we forged through, and we stand by the decision today as one of the best things we’ve done for our family, BUT we are tired and stretched about as thin as they come. Something about raising teenagers, and not sleeping because of a newborn, and then raising teenagers with a toddler who does finally sleep (PRAISE JESUS!) but never, ever, ever stops moving when she’s awake, and then there are the ...
Continue Reading...
Banana Chocolate Muffins
These are really, really good and really, really addicting so it's a good thing they have some health benefits or I'd feel really, really guilty after eating a few.  I usually make these for the kids breakfast because most days they're up at 6:00 am so they need something easy, filling, and tasty in their bellies. These always do the trick.  Banana Chocolate Muffins 3 ripe bananas. 2 cups flour½ cup maple syrup2 eggs1 tea baking soda1 tea baking powder½ tea salt2 TB coconut oil1 tea vanilla½ cup orange juice. 1 cup dark chocolate chips Mix the first 10 ingredients together. Stir i...
Continue Reading...
Pure Goodness Spaghetti Sauce
3-4 TB olive oil (depends on how much garlic and onions you add). 1 large onion chopped 4-5 TB finely chopped fresh garlic (You can add chopped celery as well if you want) Saute these three ingredients for a few minutes. Add 4 14 ounce cans of quality tomatoes (crushed or whole is fine - I like Carmelina brand) Add as much fresh spinach as the pot will hold. 4 TB Italian seasoning 1/4 cup maple syrup 1/4 cup red wine 2 cups of tomato juice (we make our own) Salt and pepper to taste Simmer all of this on low for an hour or two.  Turn heat off and blend all together with a han...
Continue Reading...
Marriage Pep Talk and a GIVEAWAY!
In my second marriage to Ryan I have valiantly attempted to right the wrongs that I naively produced in the first marital relationship. They say “ignorance is bliss,” and I suppose that I was ignorant the first time around; however, having my eyes wide open through a second opportunity has changed my perspective on life and love. A few of my initial struggles were cemented in my identity as a strong willed, first born, young wife, and often included a lack of respect towards my husband (I knew best, of course!), and one that goes hand in hand with the respect issue, a lack of grace. I usually...
Continue Reading...
Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights
This week’s recipe is a spin off of my go to, extremely easy, “I only have 5 minutes to whip something together” dessert. The original recipe called for peanut butter, egg, and sugar. I’ve amped up the health factor by substituting some of the ingredients and adding a few more. My kids love em. Hope you do too. Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights. 1 cup almond butter 1 egg ½ cup maple syrup ½ cup pecans ½ cup dark chocolate chips. Mix everything together in a big bowl. Spoon droplets onto a cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 10-15 minutes. Just keep livin!
Continue Reading...
Numero Uno Sanity System - THE BIN
At the Ronne homestead we employ many systems in order to maintain some level of functionality for the family and for the parent’s sanity. The bin system is by far the most useful and consistent tool we use as it has been in place from almost day one of our blended family. This is a system that I grew up with (as the oldest of 10 children) and loathed with every cell of my being as a child. Funny how it made its way into my grownup family as well. The bin (or the brown box that I grew up with) is just a plastic container that holds the children’s misdemeanors for the week. The system starts ...
Continue Reading...
Healthier Chicken N` Dumplings
Simmering away and filling the house with deliciousness, my healthier take on a classic - chicken n' dumplings. This version includes bone broth, organic chicken, a plethora of herbs, and lots and lots of fresh veggies. Chicken N' Dumplings5 organic chicken breasts cut into bite sized piecesVariety of fresh veggies (carrots, mushrooms, celery, leeks, even spinach, whatever you have on hand) roughly chopped.Olive oilItalian spiceVege Sal1 tea thymeSalt if you must but the Vege Sal does a great job of seasoning if you let it.Pepper to taste2 cups water6 cups bone broth (or vegetable or chicken b...
Continue Reading...