familypic
 
JessPlusMess

Limited Edition

Autographed Copy

Sunlight Burning at Midnight a memoir by Jessica Ronne

 

Subscribe to Blog

Your Name:
Your Email:

Search

Just some random, irrelevant, humorous, and hopefully inspiring musings on life, love, faith, widowhood, remarriage, adoption, blended families, caring for a handicapped child, mothering seven children, chickens, cooking, grief, over-coming grief, and everything else in between. Just Keep Livin!!

Why Sex Matters - Personal Take 2

  • Font size: Larger Smaller
  • Subscribe to this entry
  • Print


In my first marriage I was ignorant; as many women are.  No one talked about a man’s needs nor was there information on this subject within Christian circles.  I mean really, how hard could it be? Men want sex and we, as submissive wives, give it to them, but I didn’t really understand WHY they seemed to want it all the time because nobody talked about it.  We unfortunately can’t sign up for a weekly Bible study that explains to young married woman the importance of sex in a marriage.  In Bible studies we’ll hear about submitting to our husbands, or serving in the church, or on this committee, or in the nursery, but nobody talks about one of the holiest ways you can serve your husband in a marriage, and that is, quite frankly, in the bedroom.  As it is with most marriages, pregnancies came and with those, babies and then nursing, toddlers, and finally grown children, and sex took a back seat as it so often does. I’m not exactly sure what the trigger is in most marriages where sex turns into more of a chore than a way to connect intimately, but I think it generally begins with conception and pregnancy.  There’s the sick feelings that many of us have in the first trimester or the awkwardness of a big belly, or breasts feeling like hot, painfully clogged balloons, or ultimately the baby’s arrival and then of course the 6-8 week doctor prescribed sexual break and then one day you wake up with all of these breaks under your belt and you realize it’s been 2 or 3 or 4 months since you’ve made love to your husband and then it just becomes a really bad habit in the marriage that neither partner knows how to crawl out of or communicate about! We’ve all heard it suggested that most men “take matters into their own hand” but we don’t really understand what that’s all about, just the fact that “most men do it” and we certainly aren’t going to ask how or when because we really don’t want to know; it’s part of the pandora’s box aspect of manhood, just not something that Godly Christian women talk about.  There are other factors as well as to why we become sexually inactive in our marriages: the tired factor, or the “my emotional needs are being met by the newborn” factor that is ALWAYS mother related, the busy factor, and the “this baby is attached to my boob all day” factor to name a few. This sadly resembled some of the aspects of my life up until 2007 and then my late husband was diagnosed with cancer.   A baseball size brain tumor was found to be sitting right on his pituitary gland, the hormone center of our brains, and he no longer had the sexual desires of a normal 30 year old man; in fact he no longer had a whole lot of sexual desires at all as he endured multiple rounds of chemotherapy, radiation, and other highly potent cocktails of drugs all with the intended use of extending his life.  Most of his energy was used for just trying to survive another day, and he no longer pursued me as a normal, healthy 30 something year old would.  I shut down sexually; I had to save myself from the heartache of what I felt was rejection, and I’m sure he had his own feelings of inadequacy and anger that we just didn’t talk about.   I knew that he loved me but it often didn’t feel like love because of his lack of needing intimacy in our marriage.   I, in a sense, discovered what it felt like to be a man in being rejected this way and it didn’t feel very good.  It wasn’t even about the physical act, as I don’t think it is with men entirely either, but more so the lack of feeling wanted or desired.  In this second chance of mine with this marriage I’ve consciously decided that it will be different this time around. I don’t take a sex life with my healthy husband for granted anymore, and I don’t plan to ever again.  I never want my husband to feel like I don’t want him or that he’s a burden for wanting me. His wanting me intimately is a privilege and a blessing as I have learned the hard way.   I also don’t want him to feel like I’m rejecting him because I can’t take 20 or 30 minutes out of my valuable time to meet the needs of the person who is only supposed to be second to the Lord in my life. It should be an honor to be able to take care of our husband’s needs because this is something that they can only get from their wives, but we need to be open and willing to fulfilling this God ordained role in our marriages or our husbands will, most likely, find some other outlet for this need or they will shut down emotionally to save themselves from the hurt of our rejection over and over again. 
Agree? 

By the way, if you could keep me in your prayers this week and especially Thursday I would appreciate it.  I have been asked to speak, for the first time, and this is not in my comfort zone; however, I feel like God is asking me to do it regardless.  Prayers for clarity and wisdom as I share my story and prayers that it can touch lives for His glory. Thank you!
Just keep livin!!
Tagged in: marriage sex
  • Guest
    Anonymous Thursday, November 1, 2012

    Wow this is a wake up call. May God give me grace ...

    Wow this is a wake up call. May God give me grace to not learn everything the hard way but to hear the voices out there that would help me avoid a mistake like ignoring my mates sexual needs.Thanks Jess

Leave your comment

Guest
Guest Sunday, March 26, 2017

Latest Blogs

Pure Goodness Spaghetti Sauce
3-4 TB olive oil (depends on how much garlic and onions you add). 1 large onion chopped 4-5 TB finely chopped fresh garlic (You can add chopped celery as well if you want) Saute these three ingredients for a few minutes. Add 4 14 ounce cans of quality tomatoes (crushed or whole is fine - I like Carmelina brand) Add as much fresh spinach as the pot will hold. 4 TB Italian seasoning 1/4 cup maple syrup 1/4 cup red wine 2 cups of tomato juice (we make our own) Salt and pepper to taste Simmer all of this on low for an hour or two.  Turn heat off and blend all together with a han...
Continue Reading...
Marriage Pep Talk and a GIVEAWAY!
In my second marriage to Ryan I have valiantly attempted to right the wrongs that I naively produced in the first marital relationship. They say “ignorance is bliss,” and I suppose that I was ignorant the first time around; however, having my eyes wide open through a second opportunity has changed my perspective on life and love. A few of my initial struggles were cemented in my identity as a strong willed, first born, young wife, and often included a lack of respect towards my husband (I knew best, of course!), and one that goes hand in hand with the respect issue, a lack of grace. I usually...
Continue Reading...
Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights
This week’s recipe is a spin off of my go to, extremely easy, “I only have 5 minutes to whip something together” dessert. The original recipe called for peanut butter, egg, and sugar. I’ve amped up the health factor by substituting some of the ingredients and adding a few more. My kids love em. Hope you do too. Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights. 1 cup almond butter 1 egg ½ cup maple syrup ½ cup pecans ½ cup dark chocolate chips. Mix everything together in a big bowl. Spoon droplets onto a cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 10-15 minutes. Just keep livin!
Continue Reading...
Numero Uno Sanity System - THE BIN
At the Ronne homestead we employ many systems in order to maintain some level of functionality for the family and for the parent’s sanity. The bin system is by far the most useful and consistent tool we use as it has been in place from almost day one of our blended family. This is a system that I grew up with (as the oldest of 10 children) and loathed with every cell of my being as a child. Funny how it made its way into my grownup family as well. The bin (or the brown box that I grew up with) is just a plastic container that holds the children’s misdemeanors for the week. The system starts ...
Continue Reading...
Healthier Chicken N` Dumplings
Simmering away and filling the house with deliciousness, my healthier take on a classic - chicken n' dumplings. This version includes bone broth, organic chicken, a plethora of herbs, and lots and lots of fresh veggies. Chicken N' Dumplings5 organic chicken breasts cut into bite sized piecesVariety of fresh veggies (carrots, mushrooms, celery, leeks, even spinach, whatever you have on hand) roughly chopped.Olive oilItalian spiceVege Sal1 tea thymeSalt if you must but the Vege Sal does a great job of seasoning if you let it.Pepper to taste2 cups water6 cups bone broth (or vegetable or chicken b...
Continue Reading...
Chocolate Cheese. Why Not?
Ryan and I enjoyed a wonderful, romantic dinner together on Valentine’s Day.  We don’t have the opportunity to travel far on most holidays or special occasions because of Annabelle, and since we only have two restaurants that we enjoy within about a ten mile radius of our home, Ryan suggested that we hire Mya to take care of Annabelle in the basement while he and I cook together.  We indulged in salad, pasta, bread, and one of our favorite, easy, desserts - dark chocolate cheese.  Sadly, we were too full from all the pasta, bread, and salad to even indulge in our dessert that ev...
Continue Reading...
Weekly Recipe - Healthier Cornbread
  Healthier Cornbread. 1/4 melted butter 1/4 melted coconut oil Mix these two together in a big bowl.   Add 1/4 cup plus 2 TB Maple syrup to the butter/oil mixture. Stir well. Cool this mixture.  Add 2 eggs, 1/2 tea baking soda, and 3/4 cup almond milk to the same bowl. Mix well.  Add 1 cup flour, 1 cup corn meal, 1/2 tea salt.  Mix again. Grease a large cast iron skillet with coconut oil.  Pour mixture into the skillet and bake at 375 for 20 minutes.  Enjoy!   
Continue Reading...
Healthy, Luke Approved Turkey Burgers
As promised, I'm going to attempt to post a weekly Luke approved recipe, and the first one up are these super tasty, super nutritious turkey burgers that we had last night for dinner. This is my new favorite meal since giving up (for the majority of the time) red meat, well, this and the close cousin of the turkey burger, the chicken burger. In most of these recipes you will notice that I tend to pack as much hidden nutrition as humanly possible into the dish  because Luke is quite texture sensitive (if it's too hard (carrots and most veggies) or to...
Continue Reading...
Pebbles
 These past few weeks have been exhausting as a gigantic tidal wave of anger, despair, and helplessness has blasted upon humanity, invading our lives and our homes, crushing societies and towns and social media morale as the wave pounds and beckons and taunts us through the pale white glare, the Apple held firmly in our grasp, our tongues panting for all of the sweet drops of nectar, but as the story of old forewarns, the Apple is not always what it seems.  The wave continues its relentless, unforgiving pursuit, but we refuse to move or turn away lest we miss something! NO! We must k...
Continue Reading...
Cartful of Marriage Drama.
Hello friends, I'm here to interrupt your regularly scheduled Facebook drama and political controversies to involve you in an ongoing debate between my husband, myself, and this innate object -
Continue Reading...