familypic
 
JessPlusMess

Limited Edition

Autographed Copy

Sunlight Burning at Midnight a memoir by Jessica Ronne

 

Subscribe to Blog

Your Name:
Your Email:

Search

Just some random, irrelevant, humorous, and hopefully inspiring musings on life, love, faith, widowhood, remarriage, adoption, blended families, caring for a handicapped child, mothering seven children, chickens, cooking, grief, over-coming grief, and everything else in between. Just Keep Livin!!

Who Am I?

  • Font size: Larger Smaller
  • Subscribe to this entry
  • Print


“But now, O Jacob, listen to the LORD who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1
 
Coming off of some recent struggles and questions detailed in the last post Testosterone Filled Female, I decided to finally bring my question to Him, “Lord, who am I to you?”  I knew the routine Christian answers about being a new identity in Christ, being seated with Him in heavenly places, being above and not beneath; all of those powerful attributes of being in Christ, but I wanted to know who I was specifically to the Lord of the Universe; how He created me differently than anyone else, but I had never actually asked him until one defining moment on the elliptical and then my whole outlook on life changed instantly. 
 
 My life has been tough, not like third world country starving on the streets tough, but tough in terms of our comfortable American standards.  I’m not complaining, just explaining. My teenage/college years were difficult and often wrought with emotional and spiritual damage.  Being a mother was hard. I was told that my second child would never be born due to a stroke that he suffered in utero causing severe hydrocephalus, and I was cautioned repeatedly to abort that pregnancy because I would only be asking for heartache if I continued with it.  My marriage was tough.  My tennis professional, personal trainer husband was diagnosed with brain cancer at 30 years old and fought for three years until he passed away at the age of 33.  Life as a widow was hard with four young children completely dependent on me for a while, and my new life is good but hard.  I married a widower who had three young children added to my four young children (to make 7 young children!) and although we love each other deeply and are 100% committed to making our marriage the best it can be, we have had to work through our new life together, grieving together, rising above that grief, learning to make our marriage about the two of us and how that was going to look and feel, and learning to trust God’s heart for us again.  So life has been less than idyllic at times, but I’m a hacker. 
 
 I fight desperately; always have and always will.  I refused to believe the lies the Devil brought against me in certain aspects of my life, I refused to accept anything less than healing for my unborn child, and when the Lord told my heart that my late husband’s healing would be in Heaven, I fought to accept it as God’s perfect will. I believed that there was still a promise land of blessing for me as a child of His if I would just remain faithful. I’m committed to fighting daily for my marriage, my children, and my life. I’m a fighter to the core. I love tough movies like Braveheart, Gladiator, and Lord of the Rings, and my favorite movie scene of all time is when Eowyn, the princess in Lord of the Rings, slays the beast that “no man can kill.”  Without fail, every time I see it there is something that rises up in me and I think, “Oh yeah, she rocks!”  I love it - passionately love it. I love songs like Bon Jovi, “It’s my Life” and the lyrics that go along with it, “You better stand tall when they're calling you out, don't bend, don't break Baby, don't back down” and Natalie Grant’s song, “I Will Not Be Moved.” I love working out hard and adding more and more weight just to see what my own limitations are. I love living passionately and at times this does not resonate well with “good girl” Christianity. As a woman I’ve struggled with not being very churchy, and I don’t do well with the Christian gibberish that people often proclaim to sound like they have it all together.  I am not the first girl to call if you have a bake sale or need someone to teach Sunday school or volunteer in the nursery; those things do not appeal to the core of my heart.  I don’t enjoy potlucks or hymn sings or organizing vacation Bible school, never have and probably never will and apparently there is a good reason for it; it’s not how God wired me! 
 
Back to my moment on the elliptical, my iPod started belting out Jason Gray's song “Remind Me Who I Am” and I thought in that moment, “Who am I to you Lord? What did you make me for?”   Immediately He spoke to my heart, “You are my warrior princess.”  A smile began to hesitantly creep across my face and my spirit did a cartwheel, “Really God, I’m your warrior princess?? Really? I am that princess in Lord of the Rings? A princess with a beauty to behold and an unyeilding spirit that fights for what she believes in? A beautiful vulnerability wrapped in armor?  That’s who I am to you Lord?”  
 
I heard him speak quietly to my heart, slowly reassuring my unbelief, “Yes, you are, you are not made for bake sales, Sunday school, or potlucks, you are made to pick up the sword of the spirit, pray without ceasing, and pray some people out of bondage, out of the Devil’s claws, and out of their own private pits of hell.  You are made to plead my blood over hopeless situations and use your faith to move some mountains.” 
 
WOW…Everything He said rang true in my spirit.  It’s how I fought my late husband’s cancer, my unborn child’s terminal diagnosis, my childhood, and my new life.  As I slowly accepted this truth over the coming days and weeks all condemnation, guilt, and shame over not being all of those other women I had always envied, the bake sale organizers, the Sunday school leaders, and the nursery workers, literally fell off of my heart and mind. There is a freedom, unlike anything else, when you truly hear how God sees you. I am a warrior princess to the King of Kings and He made me this way.  I don’t have to feel guilty over the other stuff because it’s not how He made me and we as women DON’T have time for it all anyways.  We need to figure out who we are in Him and how He has wired us and work from those gifts – not from how someone else has been gifted and not from how religion will often guilt us into feeling. 
 
  Ironically, when we receive our answer from the Most High God we actually want to use our spiritual gifts.  I want to pray hard coming against spiritual bonds that hold people captive, and I want to use the blood of Christ as my sword and wreak havoc on the Devil’s playground of people’s lives.  When you bring your question to Him, and when he answers and He will, it will free you like nothing else can for there is no one alive who can answer your question like He will and validate the innermost being of who you are.  
 
Bring your question to Him today it just might change your life. 
 
Happy 100thpost!  Thank you for reading!!
 
Just keep livin!!
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSIVjjY8Ou8  - Here's a link to the song that changed my life, enjoy!
Tagged in: faith My Story
  • Guest
    Terri Monday, March 4, 2013

    Thank you for being true to the person God made yo...

    Thank you for being true to the person God made you to be. You are a blessing to many - myself included.

  • Guest
    Molly Saturday, March 9, 2013

    You are awesome!

    You are awesome!

Leave your comment

Guest
Guest Thursday, March 30, 2017

Latest Blogs

Banana Chocolate Muffins
These are really, really good and really, really addicting so it's a good thing they have some health benefits or I'd feel really, really guilty after eating a few.  I usually make these for the kids breakfast because most days they're up at 6:00 am so they need something easy, filling, and tasty in their bellies. These always do the trick.  Banana Chocolate Muffins 3 ripe bananas. 2 cups flour½ cup maple syrup2 eggs1 tea baking soda1 tea baking powder½ tea salt2 TB coconut oil1 tea vanilla½ cup orange juice. 1 cup dark chocolate chips Mix the first 10 ingredients together. Stir i...
Continue Reading...
Pure Goodness Spaghetti Sauce
3-4 TB olive oil (depends on how much garlic and onions you add). 1 large onion chopped 4-5 TB finely chopped fresh garlic (You can add chopped celery as well if you want) Saute these three ingredients for a few minutes. Add 4 14 ounce cans of quality tomatoes (crushed or whole is fine - I like Carmelina brand) Add as much fresh spinach as the pot will hold. 4 TB Italian seasoning 1/4 cup maple syrup 1/4 cup red wine 2 cups of tomato juice (we make our own) Salt and pepper to taste Simmer all of this on low for an hour or two.  Turn heat off and blend all together with a han...
Continue Reading...
Marriage Pep Talk and a GIVEAWAY!
In my second marriage to Ryan I have valiantly attempted to right the wrongs that I naively produced in the first marital relationship. They say “ignorance is bliss,” and I suppose that I was ignorant the first time around; however, having my eyes wide open through a second opportunity has changed my perspective on life and love. A few of my initial struggles were cemented in my identity as a strong willed, first born, young wife, and often included a lack of respect towards my husband (I knew best, of course!), and one that goes hand in hand with the respect issue, a lack of grace. I usually...
Continue Reading...
Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights
This week’s recipe is a spin off of my go to, extremely easy, “I only have 5 minutes to whip something together” dessert. The original recipe called for peanut butter, egg, and sugar. I’ve amped up the health factor by substituting some of the ingredients and adding a few more. My kids love em. Hope you do too. Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights. 1 cup almond butter 1 egg ½ cup maple syrup ½ cup pecans ½ cup dark chocolate chips. Mix everything together in a big bowl. Spoon droplets onto a cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 10-15 minutes. Just keep livin!
Continue Reading...
Numero Uno Sanity System - THE BIN
At the Ronne homestead we employ many systems in order to maintain some level of functionality for the family and for the parent’s sanity. The bin system is by far the most useful and consistent tool we use as it has been in place from almost day one of our blended family. This is a system that I grew up with (as the oldest of 10 children) and loathed with every cell of my being as a child. Funny how it made its way into my grownup family as well. The bin (or the brown box that I grew up with) is just a plastic container that holds the children’s misdemeanors for the week. The system starts ...
Continue Reading...
Healthier Chicken N` Dumplings
Simmering away and filling the house with deliciousness, my healthier take on a classic - chicken n' dumplings. This version includes bone broth, organic chicken, a plethora of herbs, and lots and lots of fresh veggies. Chicken N' Dumplings5 organic chicken breasts cut into bite sized piecesVariety of fresh veggies (carrots, mushrooms, celery, leeks, even spinach, whatever you have on hand) roughly chopped.Olive oilItalian spiceVege Sal1 tea thymeSalt if you must but the Vege Sal does a great job of seasoning if you let it.Pepper to taste2 cups water6 cups bone broth (or vegetable or chicken b...
Continue Reading...
Chocolate Cheese. Why Not?
Ryan and I enjoyed a wonderful, romantic dinner together on Valentine’s Day.  We don’t have the opportunity to travel far on most holidays or special occasions because of Annabelle, and since we only have two restaurants that we enjoy within about a ten mile radius of our home, Ryan suggested that we hire Mya to take care of Annabelle in the basement while he and I cook together.  We indulged in salad, pasta, bread, and one of our favorite, easy, desserts - dark chocolate cheese.  Sadly, we were too full from all the pasta, bread, and salad to even indulge in our dessert that ev...
Continue Reading...
Weekly Recipe - Healthier Cornbread
  Healthier Cornbread. 1/4 melted butter 1/4 melted coconut oil Mix these two together in a big bowl.   Add 1/4 cup plus 2 TB Maple syrup to the butter/oil mixture. Stir well. Cool this mixture.  Add 2 eggs, 1/2 tea baking soda, and 3/4 cup almond milk to the same bowl. Mix well.  Add 1 cup flour, 1 cup corn meal, 1/2 tea salt.  Mix again. Grease a large cast iron skillet with coconut oil.  Pour mixture into the skillet and bake at 375 for 20 minutes.  Enjoy!   
Continue Reading...
Healthy, Luke Approved Turkey Burgers
As promised, I'm going to attempt to post a weekly Luke approved recipe, and the first one up are these super tasty, super nutritious turkey burgers that we had last night for dinner. This is my new favorite meal since giving up (for the majority of the time) red meat, well, this and the close cousin of the turkey burger, the chicken burger. In most of these recipes you will notice that I tend to pack as much hidden nutrition as humanly possible into the dish  because Luke is quite texture sensitive (if it's too hard (carrots and most veggies) or to...
Continue Reading...
Pebbles
 These past few weeks have been exhausting as a gigantic tidal wave of anger, despair, and helplessness has blasted upon humanity, invading our lives and our homes, crushing societies and towns and social media morale as the wave pounds and beckons and taunts us through the pale white glare, the Apple held firmly in our grasp, our tongues panting for all of the sweet drops of nectar, but as the story of old forewarns, the Apple is not always what it seems.  The wave continues its relentless, unforgiving pursuit, but we refuse to move or turn away lest we miss something! NO! We must k...
Continue Reading...