familypic
 
JessPlusMess

Limited Edition

Autographed Copy

Sunlight Burning at Midnight a memoir by Jessica Ronne

 

Subscribe to Blog

Your Name:
Your Email:

Search

Just some random, irrelevant, humorous, and hopefully inspiring musings on life, love, faith, widowhood, remarriage, adoption, blended families, caring for a handicapped child, mothering seven children, chickens, cooking, grief, over-coming grief, and everything else in between. Just Keep Livin!!

Ryan's Epiphany

  • Font size: Larger Smaller
  • Subscribe to this entry
  • Print

Jess is often put in a tough position of writing reality or smoothing the edges to protect those we love. Though she often produces some very “graceful grit” as I like to call it, our truth is painful to hear sometimes with the grief we’ve endured and the ups and downs of a new marriage and blending two families. God has given her a gift with words and now He has called on her to write about what He puts on her heart. She must face things that the majority of women don’t have to. Women who are not married to a widower have the advantage of looking their spouse in the face and saying “I don’t want to hear another word about your ex-girlfriend or ex-wife” and be understandably angry with the words uttered about them without any guilt. They can even complain to their mother-in-law and often get reinforcement or even arsenal in her defense. It is more than acceptable, it is expected. Jess and all of those women brave enough to marry a widower must hold their tongue, smile and nod even if they are hearing it from their current husband…according to our society. I think these women have endured many hurts being married to former widowers and we had no idea how emotionally painful it can be to them. I can speak only for myself but I am a man and think like most men and unless my wife looks me in the face and tells me something’s bothering her, I probably won’t get it. At first when Jess brought it to my attention I was caught up in the way society viewed it and told her she would have to just get over it. Society has always dealt with death and grief in a particular manner and she was not going to be the exception that society bent over backwards for.  So much for the perfect husband you had me pegged for:) I really thought it was her problem and she would have to find a way to just smile and nod her way through.  I have come to a new understanding over the last year and it could be labeled as an epiphany. I finally got it after many long conversations about how painful some of the actions that we (former widowers) commit towards women who marry us can be. When I said my vows to Jessica, I made a choice to love her and her alone as my wife. I chose to let go of my past life and move forward with her and our 7 children. That was a conscious choice I made before her, family, friends and before God. My commitment was to honor and cherish her and I would do anything to save her from any more pain. She has suffered enough. We are who we are because of what we have lived through up to this point, we are acutely aware of where we came from. Now we must live in the moments we share together not the past that led us here.

Just keep livin!!
Tagged in: marriage Widow Stuff
  • Guest
    Anonymous Monday, September 10, 2012

    Ryan you are wonderful..its important to be full o...

    Ryan you are wonderful..its important to be full of grace and understanding..and the ability to evolve.It is a process....You and Jessica are wonderful together and I am very proud of both of you...love mom holly

  • Guest
    Anonymous Thursday, September 13, 2012

    Ryan: All I can say is, "WOW"! No wait,...

    Ryan: All I can say is, "WOW"! No wait, let me add "What an idiot" to that. (Speaking of me, not you) A friend of a friend sent me the link to your and Jess' blog and I'll be forever greatful. Like you, I am a widower who is about to enter into marriage with a wonderful, yet VERY overwhelmed, woman. While she tried and tried (and tried and TRIED) to get me to better understand what she was feeling and experiencing in living what I'll call, "Rita's #6" all this time, I so totally heard myself in your comments. (You know, the part right before you demystified "perfect husband")So, rather than go on and on (Which is REALLY easy for me to do) let me just say, THANK YOU! For giving me insights and information that will most definitely be sent to family and friends between now and our wedding day (T-30 days now!) God BlessPaul

  • Please login first in order for you to submit comments

Latest Blogs

Adored {and a giveaway!}
Another book review coming from Mabel Grace. She really enjoys the spotlight (shocking, I know), and loves participating in these reviews on mom’s blog. Lindsay Franklin’s Adored devotional book for young women, was another perfect opportunity for her to showcase how relevant these books are for a young women like herself.     Hi, my name is Mabel. I am here to tell you about an amazing book that helped me with a few things that I am not very good at, well actually not at all. What I mean is that I am not good with patience. The book that I am talking to you about is called Ado...
Continue Reading...
Pizza Dough Tutorial {for a good hearty dough and a good hearty laugh!}
This past Sunday morning, a morning draped in hazy weariness due to the time change the night before, a morning where all the Ronnes were moving just a tad bit slower than usual, a morning like so many of our Sunday mornings where we gather around the table to eat cinnamon rolls, and drink coffee, and I make pizza dough for our traditional Sunday night pizza party.  A morning where I stood in the kitchen at around 10:00 am and realized my house was eerily quiet.   I glanced outside and noticed a few children playing.  I peeked down the stairwell and into the basement where I h...
Continue Reading...
Seeking Simplicity One Seed at a Time {and a giveaway!}
In the last post I detailed my acknowledgement of a social media addiction and the specific steps I have been taking to clear my head.  As these tangible steps have been put into practice, I’ve noticed a fogginess lifting.  I used to contribute the airheadedness (for lack of a better word) to the fact that I have 8 children, and I’m sure this does play a small role, but I do believe social media anxiety has also played a significant role.  Now that my head is clear(er), I find I have time to reinvest in hobbies I haven’t had time for in months or maybe years – such as reading re...
Continue Reading...
Computers, Tablets, Phones OH MY! Help for the addiction.
As a newbie writer I’m repeatedly told that no one will ever read my words if I don’t have a platform, but as a person, I’m not really into the platform concept!  I’m extremely introverted. I get all bunched up in knots if someone doesn’t agree with me or like me anymore.  I don’t so much mind sharing pieces of my life with the world, but I do mind when strangers begin to throw rocks at my words or my family because they don’t agree with something or they are simply in a pattern of self loathing and decide to take it out on me. I do participate in the online world in a pretty large...
Continue Reading...
Love and Loss {And a Giveaway!]
The baby remains absent And grandma starts chemotherapy And the “C” word enters our children’s vocabulary once again Along with the “D” word in regards to their unknown sibling And our eyes spill in response to their tears And children still starve And that woman still aches for a loving spouse And girls are raped again and again And that is the reality of what we call life. And that is why our hearts ache for something purer And bigger And more beautiful We ache for more We need more We yearn for a hereafter Where all the pain is gone And every tear is wiped from our eyes Our hearts screa...
Continue Reading...
PIZZA PARTY!
Anyway…  I needed to do some soul searching due to the information bombardment and what I felt like it was doing to my soul as it was not only sucking me dry mentally, spiritually, and emotionally, it was depriving my family of me – present, engaged, fully in tune me – which isn’t good.  It’s not good for me, and it’s not good for you either. I took stock as I so often do.  I thought about how the information was feeling overwhelming and causing me to be anxious about life which in reality I really shouldn’t be anxious about because we’re all good. We’re healthy thriving peopl...
Continue Reading...
Follow Your Heart {And a Giveaway!}
I have four beautiful daughters ranging in age from 12 on down to 2: Mya, Mabel, Jada, and Annabelle.  Four hearts that I’ve been entrusted to nurture and care for. Four young ladies with strong wills and lots of estrogen. On the one hand, I love having four daughters.  I love watching them learn life skills and grow into their own personalities. I love crafting together and thinking about our future adventures when they’re grown; meeting up somewhere fun to shop till we drop or Ryan and I watching the grandbabies for the weekend so that they can get away with their husbands - goofy...
Continue Reading...
Brave and Beautiful.
One of the best aspects of being a blogger (even a very part time blogger) are the opportunities I have to review new book releases, and I am so excited about this recent opportunity to review Brave Beauty a devotional by Lynn Cowell; a beautiful inspirational book for the young girl in your life.  Brave Beauty encourages spiritual truths that girls of all ages need to hear and be reminded of on a consistent basis. Truths such as the appeal of inner beauty, boldly living your faith, being a friend to those in need, and putting your trust in God. Cowell gently guides the reader, chapter b...
Continue Reading...
Hope Prevails
I walked into the ultrasound room and felt the complete absence of warmth. No beauty relieved the coldness, no picture of a mother holding a child or a sunset over the water. Nothing to remind those who nervously waited of the potential for joy within the world. A large, heavyset woman poked with her stubby fingers at my thin, slightly rounded body. As the silence continued to descend, the air thick­ened with unspoken thoughts. I looked at this doctor, the expert I had been sent to, repeatedly trying to catch her eye, to shake her unmovable countenance. I wanted to see a glimpse of understandi...
Continue Reading...
Mother's Day Sale and Interview
Just a few items for consideration as you go about your week.   First - In honor of all of the wonderful mothers, grandmothers, and motherly figures in the world, I'm offering a Buy One / Get One 1/2 off sale on all autographed copies of Sunlight Burning at Midnight ordered here on the blog and also at Facebook/jessplusthemess.  It's the perfect time to buy one for yourself and then gift another to that special someone in your life. This sale will be honored all the way through to Mother's Day - May 14.  If you'd like the books sent to different ad...
Continue Reading...