Apparently using the word “replaced” in reference to adopting my new children has caused some concern. First, I’m going to clarify what the dictionary has to say about this word,
Replace : toassume the former role, position, or function of; substitute for (a person or thing)or to restore; return; make good.
According to these definitions it is a very appropriate word to use in reference to what happened when I adopted my three children. I assumed the former role, position and function of mother, I became a substitute for a deceased person who was no longer capable of playing the motherly role, I played a part in restoring a broken family, and I helped to make something bitter and sad good again by accepting the role of mom to three motherless children.
When I use that word I am not referring to an idea that I replaced who their birth mother was as a person. She was who she was, a unique individual made by our Creator to serve as their mother for an allotted amount of time; just as I am also a unique individual made by our Creator to now serve as their mother for an allotted amount of time. What I am referring to is the fact that I did replace her in the role as an active, functioning mother. Yes, they have a birth mother in Heaven and they will always carry that in their hearts and in their memories, but the fact is, she doesn’t live here anymore so she can’t do any of the motherly things that I do on a daily basis. I think maybe it’s a different perspective that I hold that makes this hard to grasp for some people. I don’t live very earthly. I try to see the bigger picture of it all, and I try to make sense of it all in the grander, spiritual realm that all of this really encompasses. Within this perspective, I don’t believe that either one of us ever really owned these children. We have this false idea as mothers that by birthing them they are ours when in reality they are all owned ultimately by their Father in Heaven who gave them to each of us during a specific period of time to raise them. I openly acknowledge the fact that I did not raise them their whole lives and that I did not literally birth any of them. They had a different woman as a biological mother but she is no longer here to serve any purpose as a mother outside of whatever memories they may have of a woman who did love them dearly for the time she had with them but just as she was allowed to be their mom without any pretenses, allow that same grace to be given to every adopted mom who is also mom in every sense of the word.
Just keep livin!!