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Sunlight Burning at Midnight a memoir by Jessica Ronne

 

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Just some random, irrelevant, humorous, and hopefully inspiring musings on life, love, faith, widowhood, remarriage, adoption, blended families, caring for a handicapped child, mothering seven children, chickens, cooking, grief, over-coming grief, and everything else in between. Just Keep Livin!!

Really, Really Bad Things...

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It has been bad - really, really bad the past week.  I’ve hidden behind optimistic smiles and posts but things have not gone well in Tennessee land.   The first week of the move I was running on adrenaline, the thrill of it all, and the pure excitement that goes along with something new, but the next week things started falling apart big time, and then I started to fall apart big time. 

To recap, we moved to the middle of nowhere in Tennessee, with our 7  young children and handicapped son, pulling them all out of fantastic schools and friendships because we felt God’s tugging in our lives to step out as a family and reevaluate our priorities and get back to the basics of life including self - sufficiency (a dream of mine and Ryan’s: animals, gardens, canning, freezing, making soap and everything in between sort of idea) and relying on one another and God’s providence in our lives.  In other words, we wanted a simpler life that we could call our own.  Not my former life, or Ryan’s previous life, but a life that we as the Ronne family hacked out all by ourselves, and it has been a painful process.

garden

 The day we moved, late in July, we had our first major issue, a plumbing issue that had to be addressed quickly or we would have water all over our basement. I called no less than 20 plumbers within a 30 mile radius of our house and absolutely no one would come out to us.  I finally called a plumber in the nearest bigger town, and he agreed to fix our problem if we would pay an additional $75 traveling charge.  No problem, we agreed.  He came out, hooked up one little part, and three hours later handed us a bill that said $1200.  That’s all it said, no breakdown of anything, no parts, just $1200.00.  We reluctantly paid it, having very little choice and then realized of course after the check had been written that we may have been seriously scammed.   The company has since been reported to the BBB. 

Next, our huge, gigantic, septic problem, the problem in fact being that no one in the entire county has any idea where our septic system is, and we have to find it or we won’t have a water problem  in our basement but in fact a sewage problem.  In the meantime, while everyone and their brother is out looking for our septic system, we are seriously redneckinizing with a temporary pipe running out of our garage door. Really classy looking.  I was still optimistic even after the septic issues; however, the next few days, completely shredded any optimism that remained.   

 We were robbed of our first mortgage payment, discovering that someone stole it en route to Nashville, drove to St Louis, and cashed it with a United States Treasury Stamp - that cannot be a good thing to do, so now we will repay and in the meantime try to get our initial money back somehow.  Josh and Jada were unexpectedly dropped from preschool after I spent 3 hours in a town 40 miles away from my house, filling out 30 pages of paperwork to get them enrolled, WITH THEM BESIDE ME THE WHOLE TIME.  They were dropped because they lived out of county, although other out of county children were admitted, including one little girl who lives right down the road from us, a very confusing sort of political thing we think we’re dealing with.  Our permanent loan was postponed due to a filing error, Ryan’s rental house in Texas was damaged due to a tornado,  (more out of pocket expense), our air conditioner went out on the muggiest day we’ve seen in a while and we can’t sleep because it’s so hot, we’re getting up at the crack of dawn to drive our kids to school every morning, and last but not least, my first born son, the one who always seems to have it together, the one who has seen way too much in his life, wept as I hugged him last night because he can’t make any friends at his new school.  Through tears I told Ryan I was yanking him out of school and homeschooling him (not true at this point, I can be a bit rash).  

I don’t share this information for pity, we chose this, but I do ask for prayers.  I am so lost right now over what in the world we’ve done to our life.  We had such a peace about it all and now I cry every single day over all the issues, the loneliness, and my children’s pain in starting over.  I know nothing good comes about without some heartache, I see this theory so clearly in my blended family every day - one of the hardest things I’ve been called to do in my life, but this is putting me through the wringer.  I’ve never lived outside of my comfort zone before so maybe this is very normal, and I’m just being a big baby about it all, a pretty good possibility, but right now I feel like I am being pressed down, shaken, and poured out but not in a good way. 

I had my hair done the other day at a local beauty shop, very Steel Magnolias feel for all of those reading back home, and while I was gone my dear husband wrote me the sweetest letter.  This is just a small piece of the love he blesses me with.  

“The measure of obstacles we have to overcome often is a sign of the greatness waiting for us on the other side. When I reach my breaking point I often think of you and the obstacles you have overcome in your life and it gives me strength.”

Currently, I do not share his strength or his optimism at all.   I’ve never conveyed only the good, happy, tingly feelings of my life, and this move will not be an exception.  I need some prayers, my kids need some prayers, and my husband needs prayers. 

Just keep livin, right??

Tagged in: faith life
  • Guest
    holly van vuren Friday, August 9, 2013

    ;)i am. Mstill on pain meds as you an tell..alao feel free to call anytime

  • Guest
    holly van vuren Friday, August 9, 2013

    Hope today is better.know that yoolu are covered in prayer...maybe you need to write a piece for the local paper or tv station...something sure is fishy around there and they would not want their rown know as unwelkcoming.did tou call the police about the stolen money? Anyway I gotta believe their are plenty of Gods good people ready to help. Praying hard for all of you esp Caleb.love Grandma Holly

  • Guest
    Marie Grifhorst Thursday, August 8, 2013

    Miss you Jessica! Sending prayers....up for you and your family. I look forward to hearing more on how the Good Lord is moving in your lives. You are such a BLESSING!♥

  • Jessica Ronne
    Jessica Ronne Friday, August 9, 2013

    I miss you Marie and I miss my muscles :) I haven't touched a weight in a month now, but it does feel good not to hurt all the time. I hope you are doing well, I would love to see you and your family if you ever make it to Nashville area. You have blessed me in so many ways as well.

  • Guest
    Kelly Thursday, August 8, 2013

    Hey, Jess... may remember me, Kelly, I used to go out with Jeff Grove way back in the day (when you were dating and got married to Jason). Happen to come across your blog or FB page a couple months back. When I 1st started to read your posts, you had posted about going on a new adventure down South. I thought to myself...'oh, no!' Now, reading this blog, my heart just aches for you all.
    3 years ago my family (husband and 3 kids at the time now have 4) and I took the adventure because we felt we needed change and someplace to call our own to create new memories. We moved down to GA about an hr or more NW of ATL. After a couple weeks of getting settled... all just fell apart. Things kept happening, I felt alone, cried all the time, no support, school issues, our oldest not making any friends down here and the list goes on and on. Granted I'm not way out in the Boon Docks as you have described where you are. But life is completely different down here. It's not Michigan anymore. People, culture, how they manage things, common sense (lack of) and again... the list goes on. I can only imagine how much more it is impacting you! I will pray for you and continue!
    Just remember to keep looking up, God's there. You can get through this storm!! God has tested my and my husbands faith greatly! Our storm is slowly passing through, but what's to come... is so worth it! God gives his biggest battles to his strongest children! Sending prayers and love!

  • Jessica Ronne
    Jessica Ronne Friday, August 9, 2013

    Kelly, oh my word, it's been so long! Thank you for finding me!! We can't be that far from each other, maybe we can get our clans together sometime and chat about old times in Michigan. Sounds like things are getting easier. Find me on facebook, I'd love to keep in touch and have another former Michigander turned Southern belle to lean on occasionally!

  • Guest
    Bill Thursday, August 8, 2013

    We have, and will continue to pray. We love you, and look forward to seeing all of you soon.

    Reply Cancel
  • Guest
    Nicole Thursday, August 8, 2013

    Moves are never easy but they do make us grow!!!(even when we don't want to)haha We have moved a few times because of my husbands work and I want to encourage you that the kids are resilient...My 4 have had to change schools a few times with one being in grade 12....It ended up being his best year and his best friends. That isn't to say that they haven't shed tears....that same one did in grade 9 cause he didn't have any friends and one really struggled in grade 2....and yes so did I. I think that the breaking point is when our kids start to crumble. God doesn't promise easy....I know you of all people know this but he does promise not to leave us. He will walk thru this with you and we will be praying for all of you....and yes we ended up with a flood in our basement on one of the moves also, and an air conditioner that went on the fritz on the hottest day of the year also....funny how those things happen.....All these events will become part of your story!!!!I know some you wish you could edit out!!!haha Things like this also have a way of making us/our kids more caring towards someone else later on. My kids learned to really reach out to the "New" kids because lots of times they were those kids..... Give it time:) Prayin for ya!!

  • Jessica Ronne
    Jessica Ronne Friday, August 9, 2013

    Nichole, thank you! I love knowing that I am not alone in these feelings nor am I the only mom/wife to have every struggled in a move. I do know it will get easier I just struggle with patience.

  • Guest
    Beth Thursday, August 8, 2013

    Praying for you guys Jess...and sending big hugs. You know the enemy always attacks in spades when you're following the will of God. Please don't be discouraged.

    Reply Cancel
  • Guest
    Miranda Thursday, August 8, 2013

    Just note, that psychologically, moving is the No. 2 most stressful life event, falling short of No. 1 only to the death of a loved one. As you all know, No. 1 causes much change, and insecurities, and doubts, and questions of sanity at times, and so does No. 2 for even the general public. In your family's case, moving's psychological stressors are not only going to be a No. 2 stressor bringing up all those changes and doubts and questions but also the remnants or flashback of emotions of the recent past when you all lost a loved one. These are raw emotions/wounds, even with how blessed and positive you all have been previously. The move alone was sure to bring about stress, but add recent loss and it's compounds of resurfacing change and grief, add all these new hits which weren't anticipated at all, and you have the overwhelming emotions you are experiencing now.....So understanding all of that, take some comfort in knowing that it is completely understandable why in this moment everyone is off balance, and dealing with a lot of change, disappointments, grief, and set backs, but THIS TOO SHALL PASS. It will. Cry when you need to, take deep breaths, force positive words out, read as many verses on change, perseverance, attacks of the enemy, etc., but know that you all can get through this one day at a time, one crisis at a time, and eventually it WILL WORK OUT. Order Satan to get behind you. Your family is blessed by God. Keep your faith! Do not let the negative keep your spirit down. A lot of us will be praying for you all. *Hugs*

    Reply Cancel
  • Jessica Ronne
    Jessica Ronne Friday, August 9, 2013

    Miranda, this is awesome. I am a research fanatic and this is right up my alley. I need to know the why for everything and you gave me an incredible gift in this comment, thank you :-)

  • Guest
    Miranda G Friday, August 9, 2013

    I am happy so many words for through.... this was my focus figure several years. As it goes, when I was 14 I lost my mother to cancer and had to move from my hometown to another state to go live with my dad.having both changes at once was a nightmare. I found a hospice support group (bereavement group) for kids/teens and went weekly the first school year. It was a tremendous help hearing similar struggles and having support going through the various stages of grief... ended up with 3 years in that program and went on to get a degree in psych. Death and changes are experienced differently for each person, of course, but there are a lot of tools already available to read, try, and find to suit each need at various stages of life. They trully brought me back from the edge alot, and I encourage your research! Become a genius of this subject, because knowledge is power and you have so many individual grievers to care for, plus yourself! :) if you ever have a question, you can always facebook me. Just know the tools are out there :)

  • Guest
    Kim Thursday, August 8, 2013

    Praying for you! Praying for strength and endurance for each day... praying for satan to get away and God's angels to surround you and protect you!

    Reply Cancel
  • Guest
    Kayla Reid Thursday, August 8, 2013

    Oh no, this almost brought me to tears. I will says prayers for all of you, especially Caleb :( I wish it was easier on you, that is hard but Ryan is right Jess, you're strong! Love all of you!!! Thinking about you daily!!
    Kayla

    Reply Cancel
  • Guest
    cmcmurry Thursday, August 8, 2013

    I've had to depend on God many times when I thought I was all alone & I do know one thing as I look back, he never did leave me & he will never leave you. I was strenghtened when I had no one I could count on but God-thats when he shows himself faithful & that's when you HAVE to TOTALLY depend on him-it will get easier- when we give up thats when he takes over & shows us what to do. I will be praying for you & family & will be expecting good news in the days ahead.
    Love, Carol

    Reply Cancel
  • Guest
    Holly Van Vuren Thursday, August 8, 2013

    Gods blessings will be raining upon you so hard and fast..connect with your church.and watch God work. You need to connect with Gods family

  • Jessica Ronne
    Jessica Ronne Friday, August 9, 2013

    We tried to connect with a church yesterday and couldn't get a hold of the pastor. That sounds like a prophetic word if I do say so myself! :)

  • Guest
    Kim Thursday, August 15, 2013

    Finding a church family...it's like finding a spouse, except, most of the time, you only have one day of the week to "get to know" them. It's one of my least favorite activities. I'm praying for y'all.

  • Guest
    Holly Van Vuren Thursday, August 8, 2013

    One moment,one second at a time, remember God leads,we follow.and nothing except God's word is written in stone. Maybe you are dealing with bad history with this house.Check with your local preacher.And yes this something you've always wanted to ,wait on God Love .GrandmaHolly

    Reply Cancel
  • Guest
    Arax Thursday, August 8, 2013

    Sending my prayers and hugs.

    Reply Cancel

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