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Sunlight Burning at Midnight a memoir by Jessica Ronne

 

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Just some random, irrelevant, humorous, and hopefully inspiring musings on life, love, faith, widowhood, remarriage, adoption, blended families, caring for a handicapped child, mothering seven children, chickens, cooking, grief, over-coming grief, and everything else in between. Just Keep Livin!!

Really Lord?

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Recently I’ve been feeling antsy about the summer coming and having all of the kids home for three long, fun (?) months.  I have friends who cannot wait for school to be done and relish the thought of spending every minute with their children… I’m not one of those people. I was never one of those women who could find joy in pouring every ounce of their being into mothering. I know motherhood is a high and noble calling, one of the highest and noblest, but the Proverbs 31 woman is not just a mother. She is a wife, a mother, an employer, a business woman and a trader among other things.  I know she sounds like a really tired woman but the point is, her resume boasts of more than just “mother.”  I’ve always envied those moms who seem to absolutely love everything about motherhood and every moment with their children is such a blessed time together.  Honestly, when I finally give in and play a game with the kids or do a craft, or spend a little bit of time with them, my mind is usually on the 100 other things I should be doing in the moment.  Or, I’ll often do something active with them, like a soccer game or an intense baseball game, and then call that my workout for the day.  I don’t’ know if that’s cheating or just really smart parenting?
Lately, I’ve been saying to the Lord, “really???  you thought I’d be a good mom for seven kids, huh?”  I have a background with this issue that may shed some light on my struggles.   I grew up as the oldest child of 12. I was the oldest natural born child of 8, and I had four adopted siblings. I have never felt the urge to adopt because I wasn’t sure that I would be able to love an adopted child the same as I would love my own children.  Ironically, Tate, Mya, and Jada don’t feel like my adopted children, they just feel like my kids.  I don’t know if this is normal with all adoptions but it’s a blessing for me and for them. That was my first set of baggage with seven kids; secondly, I really, really enjoy doing my own thing.  I have a bit of a selfish streak that resents the fact that I hardly ever have time for writing or crafting, or gardening, or even just gathering my thoughts together into a coherent pattern before I hear that word, “mom” for the one thousandth time in a day.  But, for some reason, in the grand scheme of it all, the Lord thought differently than I did about it and gave me these 7 wonderful, little human beings to raise.  And truth be told, it’s usually about changing my attitude; I can focus on the positives of a big family, or I can focus on the exhaustion part of a big family, in the end, it’s my choice.   
The transition process for our two families has gone fairly well.  In my old life, I had one child who made my introspective, introverted self sort of sit up and go, “Wow, this is quite the personality, not real sure what to do with it but thank goodness it’s only one and my other three are more like me.”  God must have thought that was kind of funny because one of my new kids is also just like that.  Very extroverted, talkative, joyful, full of life, don’t really think before they act, don’t really get anything accomplished without a whole lot of encouragement and prodding, life of the party, crack you up, please don’t talk to me until I have a cup of coffee in my veins sort of kid.  God is teaching, showing, guiding, and being patient with me on a daily basis as I navigate these uncharted territories of a new life.  In essence, He’s doing for me what I need to do for the seven of them.  I need to teach, show, guide, and be ever so patient with them and myself as we walk this new highway together. 
  • Guest
    Kim Saturday, May 26, 2012

    LOVE this post! It really resonates with me becau...

    LOVE this post! It really resonates with me because I never understood those women who oozed motherhood and, yet, here I am adopting tons of kids! If we met in real life, I'm sure we would be fast friends.

  • Guest
    Anonymous Saturday, May 26, 2012

    I so enjoy your writing. -- It is interesting, des...

    I so enjoy your writing. -- It is interesting, descriptive, and honest. You are able to put in words what so many think but lack the ability to verbalize. "What God has put together, let no man tear apart." Perhaps, in your circumstances, that includes 7 precious children. Either God has a sense of humor or He has a new challenge for you to meet, because He knows you can. Personally, I feel a bit tired thinking about the responsibilities of providing for the needs of seven children. Blessings to this beautiful family.Ruth Warnerruthwarnertwo@comcast.net

  • Guest
    Anonymous Saturday, May 26, 2012

    I so appreciate your blog...I too am in unchartere...

    I so appreciate your blog...I too am in unchartered waters in being a mom. For some reason, I feel that I should already know the answers and have the wisdom and patience to raise my children, and it can get me a little stressed feeling that I'm behind the curve. But, God is showing me that it's a dependence on Him that will get this done well and right, and He will shine through me just as I am.Thanks again!Leslie Starritt

  • Guest
    Anonymous Thursday, June 14, 2012

    As for adoption, I feel like you do. I know Noah ...

    As for adoption, I feel like you do. I know Noah is mine, was meant to be mine from before time began, but he just grew inside of another person. I forget sometimes that I didn't give birth to him. I'm sure you've heard this, but I love the quote "You didn't grow under my heart, but inside of it." So true. Also, I haven't kept up with your blog lately (going through the madness of relocationg from Oklahoma to Ohio) but I was just talking about you last night as we were putting our little boy to bed. He was being a bit crazy, has a summer cold so is sneezing and snotting all over the place, was jabbering non-stop, and my husband and I were going a little crazy waiting for bedtime. I said to him, "I can't even imagine how Jessica Ronne feels, being home with seven kids all day..." So, know that you're not alone in that not-into-being-a-mom feeling you have from time to time...'cause I even feel it sometimes with one child -- even though I adore him with every ounce of my being. Hang in there. Becky Saunders

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