familypic
 
JessPlusMess

Limited Edition

Autographed Copy

Sunlight Burning at Midnight a memoir by Jessica Ronne

 

Subscribe to Blog

Your Name:
Your Email:

Search

Just some random, irrelevant, humorous, and hopefully inspiring musings on life, love, faith, widowhood, remarriage, adoption, blended families, caring for a handicapped child, mothering seven children, chickens, cooking, grief, over-coming grief, and everything else in between. Just Keep Livin!!

My Over Thinking Ways

  • Font size: Larger Smaller
  • Subscribe to this entry
  • Print

So I meant to post pictures of our romantic getaway but shockingly I forgot to.  Here are some now. 






 I have literally felt my brain cells deplete themselves from my head one by one over the past few years.  Sometimes I catch myself looking at Ryan or looking at one of our children with such a blank, I have no idea what thought was just in my head a second ago sort of look that I fear at times if they wonder if I’ve lost it.  I yearn for the day when I can carry on an intelligent conversation again and honestly once that day arrives, I’ll probably have nothing of value to say anymore.  Speaking of intelligent conversations, Ryan is often lured into deep conversations by his very loving wife who tends to over think most things.  I will talk about anything, especially with the man I’ve chosen to spend the rest of my life with, and he is still getting used to this aspect of me and if I’m honest, he has mentioned a time or two that it is the one trait he wishes he could change about me.  I admittedly have a tendency to over think. I have said to him, in my own defense, if I didn’t over think everything I probably wouldn’t have a whole lot to write about, and he did agree with that part of it but that still doesn’t mean he likes it a whole lot.
On the way up north for our getaway I looked at him and said, “You know, we should probably talk about death” and he turned and looked at me with this, yippy, this is going to be fun, sort of smile. I said, “I know we don’t want to think about it, but I really should know what your wishes are if you die and you should know mine.”  What a way to start a romantic getaway, let’s talk about our deaths.  He decided to humor me and play along.  I like to have things taken care of and we both actually did have these conversations in our previous lives and it made the planning so much easier knowing the final wishes of our first spouses.  His initial response was,” I don’t care, throw me in a lake.” To which I replied, “That would go over well with family and friends, seriously honey, what you want?”  His next reaction was,” Well, I don’t want to encourage anyone to be able to wallow in grief by making it some big deal, and I just want people to honor me by living their lives to the fullest.”  We both realize, all too well, that there is a difference between wallowing and respectfully remembering.   You can respectfully remember a person who has passed away by an occasional remembrance of that person or how their life impacted the world or you can wallow in that grief which is a form of, I believe, idolatry. That person can become an idol as you constantly try to return to those feelings of sadness by visiting the grave site all the time, watching videos all the time, and flipping through pictures all the time with the intent of becoming sad, and pushing live people away because of your grief. It seems that for some people they feel like their sadness atones for the deceased person’s loss of their life. As Ryan sat and thought about it, I shared with him my vision of what my death would encompass.  As I said, I think about it all so this had already been covered in my mind.  It is my dream to completely gut a dilapidated old villa in Tuscany someday, probably after the last of the kids move out of the house and then spend our summers there and rent it out the rest of the year.  I went there a few years ago and absolutely fell in love with Italy, (who doesn’t fall in love with Tuscany?) Ironically, neither one of us has been there with our former spouses.  I visited with my father and sister and Ryan, although he was only a few hours away from Italy when he was in Albania and always wanted to go, never made it as well.  It’s kind of a blessing in disguise that we can share that together someday.  So anyway, this beautiful villa will be finished someday, and I want to be buried in the vineyard behind it (yes, there will be a vineyard too). I tell Ryan this and he kind of looks at me like really?  and says, “You’re going to make me drag your body to Italy if you die?”  I said, “You’ll have life insurance, hire someone to do it.” So, needless to say, we completed that conversation and we are both very comfortable in the knowledge of what the other wants to occur.  I even gave him a second option if the whole Italian villa dream doesn’t pan out, but if I were a betting woman, I bet I have my villa someday.  In the meantime, we won’t dwell on the worst case scenario but instead we'll focus on making many cherished memories together. 

In loving memory of Sarella Bossenbroek, my 91 year old Gramma, who was reborn into Heaven this morning.  Thank you Gramma for your faithful example of love through the way you lived your life.  We’ll see you soon but not too soon!!



Just Keep Livin!!
Tagged in: Grief marriage My Story
  • No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment

Leave your comment

Guest
Guest Friday, March 24, 2017

Latest Blogs

Pure Goodness Spaghetti Sauce
3-4 TB olive oil (depends on how much garlic and onions you add). 1 large onion chopped 4-5 TB finely chopped fresh garlic (You can add chopped celery as well if you want) Saute these three ingredients for a few minutes. Add 4 14 ounce cans of quality tomatoes (crushed or whole is fine - I like Carmelina brand) Add as much fresh spinach as the pot will hold. 4 TB Italian seasoning 1/4 cup maple syrup 1/4 cup red wine 2 cups of tomato juice (we make our own) Salt and pepper to taste Simmer all of this on low for an hour or two.  Turn heat off and blend all together with a han...
Continue Reading...
Marriage Pep Talk and a GIVEAWAY!
In my second marriage to Ryan I have valiantly attempted to right the wrongs that I naively produced in the first marital relationship. They say “ignorance is bliss,” and I suppose that I was ignorant the first time around; however, having my eyes wide open through a second opportunity has changed my perspective on life and love. A few of my initial struggles were cemented in my identity as a strong willed, first born, young wife, and often included a lack of respect towards my husband (I knew best, of course!), and one that goes hand in hand with the respect issue, a lack of grace. I usually...
Continue Reading...
Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights
This week’s recipe is a spin off of my go to, extremely easy, “I only have 5 minutes to whip something together” dessert. The original recipe called for peanut butter, egg, and sugar. I’ve amped up the health factor by substituting some of the ingredients and adding a few more. My kids love em. Hope you do too. Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights. 1 cup almond butter 1 egg ½ cup maple syrup ½ cup pecans ½ cup dark chocolate chips. Mix everything together in a big bowl. Spoon droplets onto a cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 10-15 minutes. Just keep livin!
Continue Reading...
Numero Uno Sanity System - THE BIN
At the Ronne homestead we employ many systems in order to maintain some level of functionality for the family and for the parent’s sanity. The bin system is by far the most useful and consistent tool we use as it has been in place from almost day one of our blended family. This is a system that I grew up with (as the oldest of 10 children) and loathed with every cell of my being as a child. Funny how it made its way into my grownup family as well. The bin (or the brown box that I grew up with) is just a plastic container that holds the children’s misdemeanors for the week. The system starts ...
Continue Reading...
Healthier Chicken N` Dumplings
Simmering away and filling the house with deliciousness, my healthier take on a classic - chicken n' dumplings. This version includes bone broth, organic chicken, a plethora of herbs, and lots and lots of fresh veggies. Chicken N' Dumplings5 organic chicken breasts cut into bite sized piecesVariety of fresh veggies (carrots, mushrooms, celery, leeks, even spinach, whatever you have on hand) roughly chopped.Olive oilItalian spiceVege Sal1 tea thymeSalt if you must but the Vege Sal does a great job of seasoning if you let it.Pepper to taste2 cups water6 cups bone broth (or vegetable or chicken b...
Continue Reading...
Chocolate Cheese. Why Not?
Ryan and I enjoyed a wonderful, romantic dinner together on Valentine’s Day.  We don’t have the opportunity to travel far on most holidays or special occasions because of Annabelle, and since we only have two restaurants that we enjoy within about a ten mile radius of our home, Ryan suggested that we hire Mya to take care of Annabelle in the basement while he and I cook together.  We indulged in salad, pasta, bread, and one of our favorite, easy, desserts - dark chocolate cheese.  Sadly, we were too full from all the pasta, bread, and salad to even indulge in our dessert that ev...
Continue Reading...
Weekly Recipe - Healthier Cornbread
  Healthier Cornbread. 1/4 melted butter 1/4 melted coconut oil Mix these two together in a big bowl.   Add 1/4 cup plus 2 TB Maple syrup to the butter/oil mixture. Stir well. Cool this mixture.  Add 2 eggs, 1/2 tea baking soda, and 3/4 cup almond milk to the same bowl. Mix well.  Add 1 cup flour, 1 cup corn meal, 1/2 tea salt.  Mix again. Grease a large cast iron skillet with coconut oil.  Pour mixture into the skillet and bake at 375 for 20 minutes.  Enjoy!   
Continue Reading...
Healthy, Luke Approved Turkey Burgers
As promised, I'm going to attempt to post a weekly Luke approved recipe, and the first one up are these super tasty, super nutritious turkey burgers that we had last night for dinner. This is my new favorite meal since giving up (for the majority of the time) red meat, well, this and the close cousin of the turkey burger, the chicken burger. In most of these recipes you will notice that I tend to pack as much hidden nutrition as humanly possible into the dish  because Luke is quite texture sensitive (if it's too hard (carrots and most veggies) or to...
Continue Reading...
Pebbles
 These past few weeks have been exhausting as a gigantic tidal wave of anger, despair, and helplessness has blasted upon humanity, invading our lives and our homes, crushing societies and towns and social media morale as the wave pounds and beckons and taunts us through the pale white glare, the Apple held firmly in our grasp, our tongues panting for all of the sweet drops of nectar, but as the story of old forewarns, the Apple is not always what it seems.  The wave continues its relentless, unforgiving pursuit, but we refuse to move or turn away lest we miss something! NO! We must k...
Continue Reading...
Cartful of Marriage Drama.
Hello friends, I'm here to interrupt your regularly scheduled Facebook drama and political controversies to involve you in an ongoing debate between my husband, myself, and this innate object -
Continue Reading...