familypic
 
JessPlusMess

Limited Edition

Autographed Copy

Sunlight Burning at Midnight a memoir by Jessica Ronne

 

Subscribe to Blog

Your Name:
Your Email:

Search

Just some random, irrelevant, humorous, and hopefully inspiring musings on life, love, faith, widowhood, remarriage, adoption, blended families, caring for a handicapped child, mothering seven children, chickens, cooking, grief, over-coming grief, and everything else in between. Just Keep Livin!!

My Husband's Ailment

  • Font size: Larger Smaller
  • Subscribe to this entry
  • Print

The other night Ryan had a massive headache.  Throughout the day and night he would occasionally hold his hand tightly against his head, in obvious pain, and neither Tylenol nor Motrin seemed to be able to dull the ache.  Later on after the kids were put to bed, we settled comfortably on the couch to enjoy some down time together watching a movie and that’s when his eye started twitching.  I was immediately transported back in time, to a previous life with a different husband and to the waves of feelings holding complete fear and despair over a terminal prognosis that I had no control over.   I looked at him and said, “So help me if you have a brain tumor, I will not be known as the wife who causes her husbands to get brain tumors!”  It was a sick attempt at humor while inside my own brain I was screaming at God, “So help me Lord if you do this to me again! If you allow me to be put through the wringer like that again after blessing me so richly in this life. If you take Ryan I will be done, You might as well take me too, because I am done.” This angry internal outburst towards my Creator did get me to thinking, IF He called Ryan home sooner than I was ready for him to go home, would I remain faithful?  If He asked me to give it all up again, all the blessings of this life, my husband, my children, my abilities, my health, or financial comfort, would I still be faithful?  Would I still run my race?  Is all I have truly His as I’m so quick to write?  Or was it just all His the first time around and so help me if I’m going to ever sacrifice like that again? Or if I was called upon to turn it over as Abraham did with Isaac, could I do it?  With a contrite and thankful heart, knowing that He still had my life in the palm of his hand?  Do I believe as Paul did when he wrote, “But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.  What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ  and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in  Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.” Phil 3:7-9. Do I truly consider all I have, all I hold dear in my life, loss to that which I have gained in Christ and in His sacrifice at Calvary? Is that what my faith honestly looks like?  I have wrestled with this question. I do not believe that Ryan is going home soon, but I don’t know either. Someday we will have to part ways as one of us is called to our eternal home and someday, unless we go together, one of us will be forced to say goodbye, yet again, to one we love.  I can only hope and pray that our story will mirror my grandparents who were blessed to only have to live apart for one month before they were reunited in Heaven. I do not want to be called to do anything like that ever again but if I am, will I be faithful?  I think ultimately I could be and I think ultimately everyone who has the power of Jesus Christ living within them could be as well; it’s a matter of would we.  That’s the personal part; we could because of Christ’s power but would we allow that power to work within us to do what we as mere humans could not do on our own? Would we surrender to his care and provision for our lives and surrender our wills for HIS ultimate plan and purpose which is so much bigger and better than our wildest dreams could ever imagine? 
Would I?  Would you?

By the way, Ryan is just fine. It turned out to be a pinched nerve that was causing a pretty intense headache.  Thank you Lord for your faithfulness. 
Just keep livin!!
Tagged in: faith Ryan
  • Guest
    Sable Sullivan Sunday, September 13, 2015

    Your posts are so dramatic and annoying

Leave your comment

Guest
Guest Sunday, March 26, 2017

Latest Blogs

Pure Goodness Spaghetti Sauce
3-4 TB olive oil (depends on how much garlic and onions you add). 1 large onion chopped 4-5 TB finely chopped fresh garlic (You can add chopped celery as well if you want) Saute these three ingredients for a few minutes. Add 4 14 ounce cans of quality tomatoes (crushed or whole is fine - I like Carmelina brand) Add as much fresh spinach as the pot will hold. 4 TB Italian seasoning 1/4 cup maple syrup 1/4 cup red wine 2 cups of tomato juice (we make our own) Salt and pepper to taste Simmer all of this on low for an hour or two.  Turn heat off and blend all together with a han...
Continue Reading...
Marriage Pep Talk and a GIVEAWAY!
In my second marriage to Ryan I have valiantly attempted to right the wrongs that I naively produced in the first marital relationship. They say “ignorance is bliss,” and I suppose that I was ignorant the first time around; however, having my eyes wide open through a second opportunity has changed my perspective on life and love. A few of my initial struggles were cemented in my identity as a strong willed, first born, young wife, and often included a lack of respect towards my husband (I knew best, of course!), and one that goes hand in hand with the respect issue, a lack of grace. I usually...
Continue Reading...
Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights
This week’s recipe is a spin off of my go to, extremely easy, “I only have 5 minutes to whip something together” dessert. The original recipe called for peanut butter, egg, and sugar. I’ve amped up the health factor by substituting some of the ingredients and adding a few more. My kids love em. Hope you do too. Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights. 1 cup almond butter 1 egg ½ cup maple syrup ½ cup pecans ½ cup dark chocolate chips. Mix everything together in a big bowl. Spoon droplets onto a cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 10-15 minutes. Just keep livin!
Continue Reading...
Numero Uno Sanity System - THE BIN
At the Ronne homestead we employ many systems in order to maintain some level of functionality for the family and for the parent’s sanity. The bin system is by far the most useful and consistent tool we use as it has been in place from almost day one of our blended family. This is a system that I grew up with (as the oldest of 10 children) and loathed with every cell of my being as a child. Funny how it made its way into my grownup family as well. The bin (or the brown box that I grew up with) is just a plastic container that holds the children’s misdemeanors for the week. The system starts ...
Continue Reading...
Healthier Chicken N` Dumplings
Simmering away and filling the house with deliciousness, my healthier take on a classic - chicken n' dumplings. This version includes bone broth, organic chicken, a plethora of herbs, and lots and lots of fresh veggies. Chicken N' Dumplings5 organic chicken breasts cut into bite sized piecesVariety of fresh veggies (carrots, mushrooms, celery, leeks, even spinach, whatever you have on hand) roughly chopped.Olive oilItalian spiceVege Sal1 tea thymeSalt if you must but the Vege Sal does a great job of seasoning if you let it.Pepper to taste2 cups water6 cups bone broth (or vegetable or chicken b...
Continue Reading...
Chocolate Cheese. Why Not?
Ryan and I enjoyed a wonderful, romantic dinner together on Valentine’s Day.  We don’t have the opportunity to travel far on most holidays or special occasions because of Annabelle, and since we only have two restaurants that we enjoy within about a ten mile radius of our home, Ryan suggested that we hire Mya to take care of Annabelle in the basement while he and I cook together.  We indulged in salad, pasta, bread, and one of our favorite, easy, desserts - dark chocolate cheese.  Sadly, we were too full from all the pasta, bread, and salad to even indulge in our dessert that ev...
Continue Reading...
Weekly Recipe - Healthier Cornbread
  Healthier Cornbread. 1/4 melted butter 1/4 melted coconut oil Mix these two together in a big bowl.   Add 1/4 cup plus 2 TB Maple syrup to the butter/oil mixture. Stir well. Cool this mixture.  Add 2 eggs, 1/2 tea baking soda, and 3/4 cup almond milk to the same bowl. Mix well.  Add 1 cup flour, 1 cup corn meal, 1/2 tea salt.  Mix again. Grease a large cast iron skillet with coconut oil.  Pour mixture into the skillet and bake at 375 for 20 minutes.  Enjoy!   
Continue Reading...
Healthy, Luke Approved Turkey Burgers
As promised, I'm going to attempt to post a weekly Luke approved recipe, and the first one up are these super tasty, super nutritious turkey burgers that we had last night for dinner. This is my new favorite meal since giving up (for the majority of the time) red meat, well, this and the close cousin of the turkey burger, the chicken burger. In most of these recipes you will notice that I tend to pack as much hidden nutrition as humanly possible into the dish  because Luke is quite texture sensitive (if it's too hard (carrots and most veggies) or to...
Continue Reading...
Pebbles
 These past few weeks have been exhausting as a gigantic tidal wave of anger, despair, and helplessness has blasted upon humanity, invading our lives and our homes, crushing societies and towns and social media morale as the wave pounds and beckons and taunts us through the pale white glare, the Apple held firmly in our grasp, our tongues panting for all of the sweet drops of nectar, but as the story of old forewarns, the Apple is not always what it seems.  The wave continues its relentless, unforgiving pursuit, but we refuse to move or turn away lest we miss something! NO! We must k...
Continue Reading...
Cartful of Marriage Drama.
Hello friends, I'm here to interrupt your regularly scheduled Facebook drama and political controversies to involve you in an ongoing debate between my husband, myself, and this innate object -
Continue Reading...