familypic
 
JessPlusMess

Limited Edition

Autographed Copy

Sunlight Burning at Midnight a memoir by Jessica Ronne

 

Subscribe to Blog

Your Name:
Your Email:

Search

Just some random, irrelevant, humorous, and hopefully inspiring musings on life, love, faith, widowhood, remarriage, adoption, blended families, caring for a handicapped child, mothering seven children, chickens, cooking, grief, over-coming grief, and everything else in between. Just Keep Livin!!

Mommy Wars in Western Worlds

  • Font size: Larger Smaller
  • Subscribe to this entry
  • Print

mommy-wars-350px

Mommy world in Western culture consists of the ever present, constant, never ceasing, never winning, and ever losing comparisons between moms of all levels, all socio-economic status’s, and all races. Many of these comparisons are related to what a mother is willing to sacrifice -- time, resources, energy, or sanity -- and for what amount of time for their precious offspring.  

AND… THE LONGER AND MORE INTENSE THE SACRIFICE, THE BETTER THE MOTHER.

RIGHT?

Recently on a popular blogger’s page there was an intense battle involving the homeschooling moms versus the non-homeschooling moms. I felt slightly judged (by association) being a non-homeschooling mother by the numerous homeschooling mothers who mostly proclaimed that it is a mother’s job to sacrifice for her children at all times and through homeschooling they were making the ultimate sacrifice whereas the non-homeschooling mothers were more interested in their own selfish desires, like sitting around watching The View and running to the mall every other day.  The non-homeschooling mothers retorted with all sorts of snarky comments about making time for themselves, making time for their marriages, being introverted, not wanting their children around 24/7,and how the social aspect of school was their way of being unselfish and making sure their children didn’t turn out to be social rejects.

Disclaimer – I didn’t actually participate in the online snarkfest, but I internally participated through a few, “this is what I would write” thoughts towards these mysterious mothers in faraway lands.  I’ve learned -- drama is not worth it.  Not even in anonymous internet world.

This isn’t the only scenario of mothers stabbing each other in the back over and over again in the realm of who is the most sacrificial mother in the whole wide world.  It has become an especially prevalent practice with the world wide web where any mom can join any group of moms who will “have her back” in any situation at any time all in the name of desiring the ultimate selfless crown for their particular group.  

And it’s not just the homeschooling moms because the same can be said for breastfeeding mothers.  These moms do seem to know it all when it comes to all facets of mothering, and I knowingly fall into this “sacrificial” category.  I am the mother who is willing and able to breast feed my children well past their first birthdays, and in the process I am obviously making the best and brightest individuals on the planet (please read that as sarcasm). I’ll call myself out on this “sacrifice”.  On one hand, it is sacrificial because breast feeding mothers do need to be a little more conscious about what goes in and out of their bodies, but if they’re staying away from hard core drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol it’s really not that intense of a change, and their babies do need to be fed more often thus allowing for fewer stretches of sleep, but the pros (for me) really outweigh the cons.  I don’t mix bottles, I don’t pack a diaper bag, I don’t spend money on formula, and the biggest bonus ever is that nursing past a certain point can become the most incredible diet plan on the planet.

The reality is that 95% of mothers are willing and able to sacrifice for their child where it works for them.   Breastfeeding.  Vaccinating.  Not vaccinating. Running a child all around town to encourage a particular sport or hobby. Cooking everything from scratch.  Not allowing electronics when the use of electronics sure would make life a whole lot easier.  Growing food.  Homeschooling. Working mothers.   Mothers in school.  Mothers who diligently work on a failing marriage in order to keep their children’s father in the picture and to keep the family intact.  

Mothers are sacrificial to their core beings; however, we can’t each be completely sacrificial in all aspects of our children’s lives and that’s okay. Kids don’t need that.  Mothers who run their children all over town while employed fulltime probably do not have time to grow their own food or make everything from scratch.  Mothers who stay home and send their children to school probably have more time to grow food and make meals from scratch.  We each sacrifice where it works for us and where our convictions lead us, and it always has a little bit to do with selfishness and a little bit to do with selflessness.  We all want the best for our children, and our individual convictions of what that looks like for our personal situations are just a little bit different for each one of us.  

Our end result as moms should not be to raise really good kids.  Our end result should be to raise really good adults and part of accomplishing this important task is to learn how to successfully incorporate what works for us in our families in terms of selfless behaviors and what does not work and then be okay with the moms who do it just a little bit differently than we do.  In this way all mothers will be able to demonstrate valuable life skills to our children about respecting individual differences, and in the process slowly lead them down the path toward successful adulthood (and we’ll probably all like one other a whole lot more).


Just keep livin!

(image credit www.mommyworld.com)

  • Guest
    Stephanie Sunday, June 21, 2015

    Great post. I have a 3 year old and 10 month old. The thing that shocked me about motherhood, was the "mommy wars". I've done what I can not to add/fuel the fire. I think parenting is hard enough with spending energy on judging other moms.

  • Please login first in order for you to submit comments

Latest Blogs

Mother's Day Sale and Interview
Just a few items for consideration as you go about your week.   First - In honor of all of the wonderful mothers, grandmothers, and motherly figures in the world, I'm offering a Buy One / Get One 1/2 off sale on all autographed copies of Sunlight Burning at Midnight ordered here on the blog and also at Facebook/jessplusthemess.  It's the perfect time to buy one for yourself and then gift another to that special someone in your life. This sale will be honored all the way through to Mother's Day - May 14.  If you'd like the books sent to different ad...
Continue Reading...
Easter Memories 2017
One way we’ve been able to accomplish this desire is by peeling back many of the layers of what’s expected for a particular holiday and ask ourselves: A. Do we have the energy levels required to enjoy this activity (whatever it may be – elaborate meal, presentation, etc) or will this addition stress us out and if so, the activity needs to be eliminated or reconfigured to meet our current energy levels so that it doesn’t potentially hinder the true meaning of the holiday, and B. What simple traditions can we incorporate to ensure that our children are honoring whatever this holiday is truly a...
Continue Reading...
Two Beautiful Books, My Kid's Reactions, and a GIVEAWAY!
A few weeks ago I was offered the opportunity to review two recently released children's books, I’m Going to Give you a Bear Hug by Caroline Cooney / Illustrated by Tim Warnes and Bible Basics, A Baby Believer Counting Primer by Danielle Hitchen / Illustrated by Jessica Blanchard. 
Continue Reading...
Big Changes Are 'A Comin
Blessed but stressed has been our life motto for over three years now – ever since we made the decision to add an 8th child to our family. Some have raised questioning eyebrows with this decision, but we forged through, and we stand by the decision today as one of the best things we’ve done for our family, BUT we are tired and stretched about as thin as they come. Something about raising teenagers, and not sleeping because of a newborn, and then raising teenagers with a toddler who does finally sleep (PRAISE JESUS!) but never, ever, ever stops moving when she’s awake, and then there are the ...
Continue Reading...
Banana Chocolate Muffins
These are really, really good and really, really addicting so it's a good thing they have some health benefits or I'd feel really, really guilty after eating a few.  I usually make these for the kids breakfast because most days they're up at 6:00 am so they need something easy, filling, and tasty in their bellies. These always do the trick.  Banana Chocolate Muffins 3 ripe bananas. 2 cups flour½ cup maple syrup2 eggs1 tea baking soda1 tea baking powder½ tea salt2 TB coconut oil1 tea vanilla½ cup orange juice. 1 cup dark chocolate chips Mix the first 10 ingredients together. Stir i...
Continue Reading...
Pure Goodness Spaghetti Sauce
3-4 TB olive oil (depends on how much garlic and onions you add). 1 large onion chopped 4-5 TB finely chopped fresh garlic (You can add chopped celery as well if you want) Saute these three ingredients for a few minutes. Add 4 14 ounce cans of quality tomatoes (crushed or whole is fine - I like Carmelina brand) Add as much fresh spinach as the pot will hold. 4 TB Italian seasoning 1/4 cup maple syrup 1/4 cup red wine 2 cups of tomato juice (we make our own) Salt and pepper to taste Simmer all of this on low for an hour or two.  Turn heat off and blend all together with a han...
Continue Reading...
Marriage Pep Talk and a GIVEAWAY!
In my second marriage to Ryan I have valiantly attempted to right the wrongs that I naively produced in the first marital relationship. They say “ignorance is bliss,” and I suppose that I was ignorant the first time around; however, having my eyes wide open through a second opportunity has changed my perspective on life and love. A few of my initial struggles were cemented in my identity as a strong willed, first born, young wife, and often included a lack of respect towards my husband (I knew best, of course!), and one that goes hand in hand with the respect issue, a lack of grace. I usually...
Continue Reading...
Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights
This week’s recipe is a spin off of my go to, extremely easy, “I only have 5 minutes to whip something together” dessert. The original recipe called for peanut butter, egg, and sugar. I’ve amped up the health factor by substituting some of the ingredients and adding a few more. My kids love em. Hope you do too. Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights. 1 cup almond butter 1 egg ½ cup maple syrup ½ cup pecans ½ cup dark chocolate chips. Mix everything together in a big bowl. Spoon droplets onto a cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 10-15 minutes. Just keep livin!
Continue Reading...
Numero Uno Sanity System - THE BIN
At the Ronne homestead we employ many systems in order to maintain some level of functionality for the family and for the parent’s sanity. The bin system is by far the most useful and consistent tool we use as it has been in place from almost day one of our blended family. This is a system that I grew up with (as the oldest of 10 children) and loathed with every cell of my being as a child. Funny how it made its way into my grownup family as well. The bin (or the brown box that I grew up with) is just a plastic container that holds the children’s misdemeanors for the week. The system starts ...
Continue Reading...
Healthier Chicken N` Dumplings
Simmering away and filling the house with deliciousness, my healthier take on a classic - chicken n' dumplings. This version includes bone broth, organic chicken, a plethora of herbs, and lots and lots of fresh veggies. Chicken N' Dumplings5 organic chicken breasts cut into bite sized piecesVariety of fresh veggies (carrots, mushrooms, celery, leeks, even spinach, whatever you have on hand) roughly chopped.Olive oilItalian spiceVege Sal1 tea thymeSalt if you must but the Vege Sal does a great job of seasoning if you let it.Pepper to taste2 cups water6 cups bone broth (or vegetable or chicken b...
Continue Reading...