Limited Edition

Autographed Copy

Sunlight Burning at Midnight a memoir by Jessica Ronne


Subscribe to Blog

Your Name:
Your Email:


Just some random, irrelevant, humorous, and hopefully inspiring musings on life, love, faith, widowhood, remarriage, adoption, blended families, caring for a handicapped child, mothering seven children, chickens, cooking, grief, over-coming grief, and everything else in between. Just Keep Livin!!

May 7, 2012

  • Font size: Larger Smaller
  • Subscribe to this entry
  • Print


I have a confession to make, I was sick of blogging.  I was sick of being so transparent, I was sick of people feeling like they had the right to an opinion about my life, I was sick of being in the public eye as my husband was dying and then again as I found love and happiness so quickly and made the bold move to marry the new love of my life 9 months after the worst day of my life.  I was sick of not telling the whole truth in what I wrote but instead catering to what I felt like I had to say in order to be grieving properly; all in all, I was just sick of it and needed a break to be a normal boring person (with a new husband, a new life, and 7 kids) and then God spoke to me.  Actually he’s been speaking to me for a while now about being obedient and my heart has been slowly but surely inching towards what He’s calling me to do.  This blog is my initial response to Him.
I have always loved to write, and I knew that when God inspired me, my writing seemed to help people and give them hope, but I didn’t want to do it anymore, especially on such a public forum as a blog.  I just wanted to raise a family, snuggle with my man, raise some chickens, bake some bread, and possibly buy a cow, all of those simple pleasures in life.   But God’s plan seems to be a little different for my life, and He’s been nagging me about it for some time now.  The still, small voice has often come through my husband who has wanted to start a blog but knew my feelings on wanting some privacy from the world, and he’s been patient and understanding as I worked through some of these issues.  We let our initial blog go because one, it was expensive and we didn’t write all that often and secondly, at times it felt forced or fake.  We were and have been very happy and blessed in our new life but at certain times or on specific dates, such as our late spouses birthdays or the anniversaries of their deaths, we have felt the need to “go there” and wallow a bit in the pain of the memories because that’s what's expected.  That need to “go there” actually turned what could have been a beautiful, romantic vacation for two at a secluded cabin on a lake, sour.  I kept expecting this big funk from both of us, I actually caused the big funk because of my expectation for it! We went there over the anniversaries of their deaths in order to get away from 7 kids and vacation as only we do best by lying around all day enjoying the peace and quiet. Instead there was this outpouring of sadness through emails from well - meaning friends, Facebook postings, and calls that we were not able to avoid in the busyness of this day and age. We should have left all technology at home and just enjoyed the peace and solitude of cabin life. We’ve learned the hard way and next time will be different.
Our writing in the previous blog also reflected an idea “of this is what people want to hear from us” because if we said, “we’re great, we’re happy, everything’s as good as it could be because God has blessed us so greatly in our new life” that would probably be viewed as cold or heartless.  But that’s the truth.  I still have little moments that remind me of Jason and make me smile, but I don’t try to go there on a regular basis.  It wouldn’t be fair to Ryan if I allowed myself to go there all the time and in fact it would in a sense be committing emotional adultery.  Jason and I had the “till death do us part” moment; we are not one anymore.  I said my vows to Ryan, and he is the only man in terms of a spousal love in my life now. The way I view it is similar to someone who had a rotten, abusive childhood.  What would happen to that person if they constantly reflected on the abuse, neglect and pain of that life?  They wouldn’t be able to move forward and grow through those hardships or experience the grace of God and the blessing that a new life could offer them.  It’s the same with my previous life.  I had many hard years of pain and suffering with Jason having terminal cancer for 3 years but I don’t reflect on it.  By God’s grace he has doubled my portion.  I have a beautiful country home.  I have an amazing husband who has never made me feel like anything less than the love of his life in this moment and time. I have 3 beautiful new children that I’m in the process of adopting and my life is easier and more peaceful and more blessed than it has ever been.  Ryan and I have an amazing marriage, but it comes through tears and heartache.  We work HARD at this marriage.  We buy the books, and I read the blogs and recap to him at night, (the books and the blogs). We don’t take each other for granted, and we talk about everything (much to his dismay at times!) I need to work through things mentally and verbally and he has learned that.  Things are different, very different in this marriage, we are each very opposite spouses to each other than what we are used to and that takes work. I wear all of my emotions on my sleeve (or my face, or arms, or anywhere they’ll fit) and we talk about it all.
Going back to the blog writing, God has been speaking to me, ever so quietly, about my obedience (or lack of) to his calling on my life.  I know I have a great story of his faithfulness, and I know that it needs to be shared honestly and transparently.  I’m not exactly sure what all it will entail, widowhood, grief, kids, adoption, special needs, faith, writing, the list could be extensive. So here is my blog, once again, and I pray that obedience to my “great commission” of just sharing our story in all its realness, pain, heartache and joy will bring hope to the hopeless, rest for the weary, and faith in a God who is faithful even in the direst of circumstances.   Stay tuned as I share my pains and triumphs as HIS highwayofgrace.
Just keep livin!!
Tagged in: Grief marriage My Story
  • Guest
    Teresa May Saturday, October 1, 2016

    I'm excited to catch up again on your journey as I prayed as you were in the thick of it.
    You inspire me because I have been on a similar journey and God has continued to teach me that I answer only to Him.

  • Guest
    Anonymous Monday, May 7, 2012

    I just love reading your blog!! Good for you and l...

    I just love reading your blog!! Good for you and love, love, love your honesty!! Glad the fam is doing well....God Bless :) xoxo-Dana

  • Guest
    Tara B Monday, May 7, 2012

    Thank you.

    Thank you.

  • Guest
    Amy Bowman Monday, May 7, 2012

    I am very excited to hear that you are blogging ag...

    I am very excited to hear that you are blogging again, and I am proud of your obedience. I especially love that you are going to write with authenticity, we need more of that here in blogland. I, too, wear my emotions on m sleeve and feel everything!I am so "for" you guys and so happy to hear that your marriage is blessed despite the work involved. The work is so worth it, huh?

  • Guest
    marvin Monday, May 7, 2012

    Jessica, we are so blessed that you are part of th...

    Jessica, we are so blessed that you are part of this BIG family Tell it like you see it and everything will be great.

  • Guest
    Courtney VanVliet Monday, May 7, 2012

    Finally!!! I'm so glad you're back. You al...

    Finally!!! I'm so glad you're back. You always inspire me to be a better person. I can't wait to hear your honest, raw stories! Welcome back!

  • Guest
    Terri Monday, May 7, 2012

    I'm glad to see you back. I love reading what ...

    I'm glad to see you back. I love reading what you have to say. I love your picture and can't believe how big all the kids have gotten. What a great looking family!

  • Guest
    Becky Saunders Tuesday, May 8, 2012

    I'm glad you're back. I look forward to f...

    I'm glad you're back. I look forward to following your family stories. God bless your beautiful family that God has so artfully put together -- in a way that is "exceedingly, abundantly above all that we can ask or think!"

  • Guest
    Kim Tuesday, May 8, 2012

    I didn't know about your previous blogs but I&...

    I didn't know about your previous blogs but I'm sure glad I found this one! Can't wait to hear how your story unfolds!

  • Guest
    Anonymous Tuesday, May 8, 2012

    You couldn't have chosen a better picture to d...

    You couldn't have chosen a better picture to depict your big, crazy family.....I love it!!! Glad to know you are blogging once again. Wish I could do that myself, but I just kinda freeze up when I'm faced with a blank screen. I'm also glad that you feel you can share your true feelings. That is so important. I know you and Ryan have been to hell and back in your respective situations, and you have graciously shared that part of your lives with us. But, now God has given you a new life, warts and all, and once again, you are sharing it with us. Thank you so much for your honesty and candidness and may God richly bless you and your family on your journey...

  • Guest
    Abel Keogh Tuesday, May 8, 2012

    Looking forward to reading more!

    Looking forward to reading more!

  • Guest
    MarlaJen Tuesday, May 8, 2012

    Thank you so much for your honesty, Jess. God ble...

    Thank you so much for your honesty, Jess. God bless you and your family, and I look forward to reading your upcoming posts!

  • Guest
    Kym Tuesday, May 8, 2012

    I am so glad to hear about your happiness and cont...

    I am so glad to hear about your happiness and continued life after tragedy. I am newly widowed and am slowly feeling my way with so many question marks. Your words help me know that it is ok.....whatever I am feeling or thinking or's all ok. There is no recipe that fits all. It is such a journey but there is movement, and change, and evolution, and I thank you for your sharing.

  • Guest
    Leslie Starritt Wednesday, May 9, 2012

    Thank you Jess for doing this...God has blessed me...

    Thank you Jess for doing this...God has blessed me through your family's stories in seeing once again God make beauty out of ashes. Thank you for responding in obedience.

  • Guest
    Anonymous Thursday, May 10, 2012

    Jess thank you for writing it has helped me as a S...

    Jess thank you for writing it has helped me as a Sister that lost her sister to GBM. My sister had 3 children and my BNL is getting married. It is hard as the family that lost the sibling to watch the Spouse go on with their life....and you help me see the spouse side. But the difference in our families is that Ryan Cares for your children and he puts them before himself. Our situation is different our new wife has never in 3 years done anything with my neice to make her feel special or anything like a mother/daughter relationship. She has never once tried to be the GOOD step mother. She is all about herself and my BNL. She is a good person and would be great for someone that does not have kids. But we have 3. My prayer is that she could feel some emotion for these kids that need a motherly figure besides their aunt. Pleae keep writing all the raw emotions you have.

  • Guest
    Sara Friday, July 13, 2012

    A friend shared your blog with me and I cannot exp...

    A friend shared your blog with me and I cannot express the comfort it brings to know someone else has been there! I also became a widow in 2010 and found Love, amazing love shortly after.

  • Please login first in order for you to submit comments

Latest Blogs

Easy One Bowl Cookies
Here's a fantastic go to cookies recipe that can be adapted in many ways.  This makes about 2 dozen cookies and they're almost guilt free as I've been able to replace many of the not so healthy ingredients with healthier ones.  Enjoy!      2 sticks of butter softened 1/2 cup maple syrup or 1 cup sugar 1 cup brown sugar 2 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 cups Great River Organic Milling Bread Flour Blend with oats. 1 tea baking soda 1 tea salt 1/2 tea baking powder 1-2 cups dark chocolat...
Continue Reading...
Winter Walk
I glanced to the left and recognized a spattering of houses and to the right – nothing but naked branches swaying in the stagnant air. I leaned into the vacancy and began moving, one foot in front of the other – the vicious cold biting my face and freezing the tears as they fell. I walked in penance for whatever grave sin I had committed – a sin which had led to a recent life of so much pain and heartache. I knew that surely if my husband held the strength to wage war against numerous rounds of poison, and my son had the strength to defy the proclamations of death voiced against him, and my c...
Continue Reading...
In Search of Snow and Fun!
A few days ago we told the kids that we had a surprise for them and to pack their bags for some fun! They were excited – some of them handle surprises better than others (my bios become highly suspicious – like their mother - whatever; it’s character building), whereas, Ryan’s bios become the happiest clan of children in the whole wide world! There’s nothing they like better than a fun time and man, when they envision a good time, they go big. Ryan and I were craving snow and worked our destination around this desire, and so off to the Smoky Mountains we went – more specifically off to Gatlin...
Continue Reading...
Grab Em and Go Waffles.
Alrighty!    Here are the waffles that we make ALL THE TIME at the Ronne house.  Our kids are up and at em early - 6:00 a.m. early, which about made me die when we first moved to Tennessee, but I have to admit, I've gotten used to the early mornings  (or I'm now 40 and don't require as much sleep).  Whatever it is, these waffles are life savers.  They are easy, filling, one bowl wonders full of nutrition, and the best part of all?  They don't require syrup which saves you (mom and dad) the hassle of needing to clean up (house and kid).  All of my kids lo...
Continue Reading...
The Ronne Recap - 2017.
Me – Mama – Queen Bee. The year began with Ryan and I realizing we needed to pursue a different kind of help for Lucas than we were receiving through the state.  For a number of reasons, which I will explain in great depth someday but not today, we were frustrated with the system and decided to pursue some stability for him with a consistent person and that thought turned into an au pair.  The plan was that she would help with Luke, the other kids, cooking, and cleaning.  Ryan built an apartment in our barn (it’s so cute), and we began the process of searching for the perfect ...
Continue Reading...
Healthy(ish) Cinnamon Rolls
Who doesn't love a warm, gooey cinnamon roll on Christmas morning, and in my opinion, it's even better if you can sneak a little nutrition into them as well!  Here's my take on our favorite Christmas treat.    Enjoy!    Just keep livin!
Continue Reading...
Broken Baby Jesus
“MOM! Annabelle broke baby Jesus again!” one of my children shouted from the family room. I sighed and walked over to my youngest who was gently holding a delicate, ceramic baby Jesus in her small hands, a ceramic baby who had been placed front and center on our coffee table during the holiday season and usually replaced every few days with a fresh application of hot glue because Annabelle had somehow managed to dismember his arm from the rest of his body once again.  “Annabelle, give Mama baby Jesus.  You broke him and Mama needs to fix him - again.” “NO MAMA! ME WANT BABY JESUS!...
Continue Reading...
A New Desk and A Podcast Debut
Remember the old metal table I had my eye on in my husband's junk pile awhile back?    It's not an old metal table anymore! Not only has he masterfully restored it to a beautiful new desk, but he's also masterfully restored an old barn on our property into a quiet space for me to write and practice yoga.  I am loving the solitude of this space when I find time to escape for a few minutes and this is where I was able to chat about life the other day with Hallie Klecker, host of the Life Well Nourished podcast. So much fun, but I should preface with one little thing before ...
Continue Reading...
Community & Belonging
I say all of this not with the intention of eliciting sympathy, no, we choose this life, and although at times we question whether or not we should pursue a move to one particular hub or another, we have decided for the time being that we are in the right place for raising our family.  This may change as kids grow and age and fly the coop, and then we could realistically look at 3 or 4 bedroom homes; however, that’s not our current reality, and we firmly believe God has us here for a reason (if not two or three reasons).  Although busyness and life often keep us from bein...
Continue Reading...
Adored {and a giveaway!}
Another book review coming from Mabel Grace. She really enjoys the spotlight (shocking, I know), and loves participating in these reviews on mom’s blog. Lindsay Franklin’s Adored devotional book for young women, was another perfect opportunity for her to showcase how relevant these books are for a young women like herself.     Hi, my name is Mabel. I am here to tell you about an amazing book that helped me with a few things that I am not very good at, well actually not at all. What I mean is that I am not good with patience. The book that I am talking to you about is called Ado...
Continue Reading...