familypic
 
JessPlusMess

Limited Edition

Autographed Copy

Sunlight Burning at Midnight a memoir by Jessica Ronne

 

Subscribe to Blog

Your Name:
Your Email:

Search

Just some random, irrelevant, humorous, and hopefully inspiring musings on life, love, faith, widowhood, remarriage, adoption, blended families, caring for a handicapped child, mothering seven children, chickens, cooking, grief, over-coming grief, and everything else in between. Just Keep Livin!!

May 7, 2012

  • Font size: Larger Smaller
  • Subscribe to this entry
  • Print

 

I have a confession to make, I was sick of blogging.  I was sick of being so transparent, I was sick of people feeling like they had the right to an opinion about my life, I was sick of being in the public eye as my husband was dying and then again as I found love and happiness so quickly and made the bold move to marry the new love of my life 9 months after the worst day of my life.  I was sick of not telling the whole truth in what I wrote but instead catering to what I felt like I had to say in order to be grieving properly; all in all, I was just sick of it and needed a break to be a normal boring person (with a new husband, a new life, and 7 kids) and then God spoke to me.  Actually he’s been speaking to me for a while now about being obedient and my heart has been slowly but surely inching towards what He’s calling me to do.  This blog is my initial response to Him.
I have always loved to write, and I knew that when God inspired me, my writing seemed to help people and give them hope, but I didn’t want to do it anymore, especially on such a public forum as a blog.  I just wanted to raise a family, snuggle with my man, raise some chickens, bake some bread, and possibly buy a cow, all of those simple pleasures in life.   But God’s plan seems to be a little different for my life, and He’s been nagging me about it for some time now.  The still, small voice has often come through my husband who has wanted to start a blog but knew my feelings on wanting some privacy from the world, and he’s been patient and understanding as I worked through some of these issues.  We let our initial blog go because one, it was expensive and we didn’t write all that often and secondly, at times it felt forced or fake.  We were and have been very happy and blessed in our new life but at certain times or on specific dates, such as our late spouses birthdays or the anniversaries of their deaths, we have felt the need to “go there” and wallow a bit in the pain of the memories because that’s what's expected.  That need to “go there” actually turned what could have been a beautiful, romantic vacation for two at a secluded cabin on a lake, sour.  I kept expecting this big funk from both of us, I actually caused the big funk because of my expectation for it! We went there over the anniversaries of their deaths in order to get away from 7 kids and vacation as only we do best by lying around all day enjoying the peace and quiet. Instead there was this outpouring of sadness through emails from well - meaning friends, Facebook postings, and calls that we were not able to avoid in the busyness of this day and age. We should have left all technology at home and just enjoyed the peace and solitude of cabin life. We’ve learned the hard way and next time will be different.
Our writing in the previous blog also reflected an idea “of this is what people want to hear from us” because if we said, “we’re great, we’re happy, everything’s as good as it could be because God has blessed us so greatly in our new life” that would probably be viewed as cold or heartless.  But that’s the truth.  I still have little moments that remind me of Jason and make me smile, but I don’t try to go there on a regular basis.  It wouldn’t be fair to Ryan if I allowed myself to go there all the time and in fact it would in a sense be committing emotional adultery.  Jason and I had the “till death do us part” moment; we are not one anymore.  I said my vows to Ryan, and he is the only man in terms of a spousal love in my life now. The way I view it is similar to someone who had a rotten, abusive childhood.  What would happen to that person if they constantly reflected on the abuse, neglect and pain of that life?  They wouldn’t be able to move forward and grow through those hardships or experience the grace of God and the blessing that a new life could offer them.  It’s the same with my previous life.  I had many hard years of pain and suffering with Jason having terminal cancer for 3 years but I don’t reflect on it.  By God’s grace he has doubled my portion.  I have a beautiful country home.  I have an amazing husband who has never made me feel like anything less than the love of his life in this moment and time. I have 3 beautiful new children that I’m in the process of adopting and my life is easier and more peaceful and more blessed than it has ever been.  Ryan and I have an amazing marriage, but it comes through tears and heartache.  We work HARD at this marriage.  We buy the books, and I read the blogs and recap to him at night, (the books and the blogs). We don’t take each other for granted, and we talk about everything (much to his dismay at times!) I need to work through things mentally and verbally and he has learned that.  Things are different, very different in this marriage, we are each very opposite spouses to each other than what we are used to and that takes work. I wear all of my emotions on my sleeve (or my face, or arms, or anywhere they’ll fit) and we talk about it all.
Going back to the blog writing, God has been speaking to me, ever so quietly, about my obedience (or lack of) to his calling on my life.  I know I have a great story of his faithfulness, and I know that it needs to be shared honestly and transparently.  I’m not exactly sure what all it will entail, widowhood, grief, kids, adoption, special needs, faith, writing, the list could be extensive. So here is my blog, once again, and I pray that obedience to my “great commission” of just sharing our story in all its realness, pain, heartache and joy will bring hope to the hopeless, rest for the weary, and faith in a God who is faithful even in the direst of circumstances.   Stay tuned as I share my pains and triumphs as HIS highwayofgrace.
Just keep livin!!
Tagged in: Grief marriage My Story
  • Guest
    Teresa May Saturday, October 1, 2016

    I'm excited to catch up again on your journey as I prayed as you were in the thick of it.
    You inspire me because I have been on a similar journey and God has continued to teach me that I answer only to Him.

  • Guest
    Anonymous Monday, May 7, 2012

    I just love reading your blog!! Good for you and l...

    I just love reading your blog!! Good for you and love, love, love your honesty!! Glad the fam is doing well....God Bless :) xoxo-Dana

  • Guest
    Tara B Monday, May 7, 2012

    Thank you.

    Thank you.

  • Guest
    Amy Bowman Monday, May 7, 2012

    I am very excited to hear that you are blogging ag...

    I am very excited to hear that you are blogging again, and I am proud of your obedience. I especially love that you are going to write with authenticity, we need more of that here in blogland. I, too, wear my emotions on m sleeve and feel everything!I am so "for" you guys and so happy to hear that your marriage is blessed despite the work involved. The work is so worth it, huh?

  • Guest
    marvin Monday, May 7, 2012

    Jessica, we are so blessed that you are part of th...

    Jessica, we are so blessed that you are part of this BIG family Tell it like you see it and everything will be great.

  • Guest
    Courtney VanVliet Monday, May 7, 2012

    Finally!!! I'm so glad you're back. You al...

    Finally!!! I'm so glad you're back. You always inspire me to be a better person. I can't wait to hear your honest, raw stories! Welcome back!

  • Guest
    Terri Monday, May 7, 2012

    I'm glad to see you back. I love reading what ...

    I'm glad to see you back. I love reading what you have to say. I love your picture and can't believe how big all the kids have gotten. What a great looking family!

  • Guest
    Becky Saunders Tuesday, May 8, 2012

    I'm glad you're back. I look forward to f...

    I'm glad you're back. I look forward to following your family stories. God bless your beautiful family that God has so artfully put together -- in a way that is "exceedingly, abundantly above all that we can ask or think!"

  • Guest
    Kim Tuesday, May 8, 2012

    I didn't know about your previous blogs but I&...

    I didn't know about your previous blogs but I'm sure glad I found this one! Can't wait to hear how your story unfolds!

  • Guest
    Anonymous Tuesday, May 8, 2012

    You couldn't have chosen a better picture to d...

    You couldn't have chosen a better picture to depict your big, crazy family.....I love it!!! Glad to know you are blogging once again. Wish I could do that myself, but I just kinda freeze up when I'm faced with a blank screen. I'm also glad that you feel you can share your true feelings. That is so important. I know you and Ryan have been to hell and back in your respective situations, and you have graciously shared that part of your lives with us. But, now God has given you a new life, warts and all, and once again, you are sharing it with us. Thank you so much for your honesty and candidness and may God richly bless you and your family on your journey...

  • Guest
    Abel Keogh Tuesday, May 8, 2012

    Looking forward to reading more!

    Looking forward to reading more!

  • Guest
    MarlaJen Tuesday, May 8, 2012

    Thank you so much for your honesty, Jess. God ble...

    Thank you so much for your honesty, Jess. God bless you and your family, and I look forward to reading your upcoming posts!

  • Guest
    Kym Tuesday, May 8, 2012

    I am so glad to hear about your happiness and cont...

    I am so glad to hear about your happiness and continued life after tragedy. I am newly widowed and am slowly feeling my way with so many question marks. Your words help me know that it is ok.....whatever I am feeling or thinking or wondering....it's all ok. There is no recipe that fits all. It is such a journey but there is movement, and change, and evolution, and I thank you for your sharing.

  • Guest
    Leslie Starritt Wednesday, May 9, 2012

    Thank you Jess for doing this...God has blessed me...

    Thank you Jess for doing this...God has blessed me through your family's stories in seeing once again God make beauty out of ashes. Thank you for responding in obedience.

  • Guest
    Anonymous Thursday, May 10, 2012

    Jess thank you for writing it has helped me as a S...

    Jess thank you for writing it has helped me as a Sister that lost her sister to GBM. My sister had 3 children and my BNL is getting married. It is hard as the family that lost the sibling to watch the Spouse go on with their life....and you help me see the spouse side. But the difference in our families is that Ryan Cares for your children and he puts them before himself. Our situation is different our new wife has never in 3 years done anything with my neice to make her feel special or anything like a mother/daughter relationship. She has never once tried to be the GOOD step mother. She is all about herself and my BNL. She is a good person and would be great for someone that does not have kids. But we have 3. My prayer is that she could feel some emotion for these kids that need a motherly figure besides their aunt. Pleae keep writing all the raw emotions you have.

  • Guest
    Sara Friday, July 13, 2012

    A friend shared your blog with me and I cannot exp...

    A friend shared your blog with me and I cannot express the comfort it brings to know someone else has been there! I also became a widow in 2010 and found Love, amazing love shortly after.

  • Please login first in order for you to submit comments

Latest Blogs

Mother's Day Sale and Interview
Just a few items for consideration as you go about your week.   First - In honor of all of the wonderful mothers, grandmothers, and motherly figures in the world, I'm offering a Buy One / Get One 1/2 off sale on all autographed copies of Sunlight Burning at Midnight ordered here on the blog and also at Facebook/jessplusthemess.  It's the perfect time to buy one for yourself and then gift another to that special someone in your life. This sale will be honored all the way through to Mother's Day - May 14.  If you'd like the books sent to different ad...
Continue Reading...
Easter Memories 2017
One way we’ve been able to accomplish this desire is by peeling back many of the layers of what’s expected for a particular holiday and ask ourselves: A. Do we have the energy levels required to enjoy this activity (whatever it may be – elaborate meal, presentation, etc) or will this addition stress us out and if so, the activity needs to be eliminated or reconfigured to meet our current energy levels so that it doesn’t potentially hinder the true meaning of the holiday, and B. What simple traditions can we incorporate to ensure that our children are honoring whatever this holiday is truly a...
Continue Reading...
Two Beautiful Books, My Kid's Reactions, and a GIVEAWAY!
A few weeks ago I was offered the opportunity to review two recently released children's books, I’m Going to Give you a Bear Hug by Caroline Cooney / Illustrated by Tim Warnes and Bible Basics, A Baby Believer Counting Primer by Danielle Hitchen / Illustrated by Jessica Blanchard. 
Continue Reading...
Big Changes Are 'A Comin
Blessed but stressed has been our life motto for over three years now – ever since we made the decision to add an 8th child to our family. Some have raised questioning eyebrows with this decision, but we forged through, and we stand by the decision today as one of the best things we’ve done for our family, BUT we are tired and stretched about as thin as they come. Something about raising teenagers, and not sleeping because of a newborn, and then raising teenagers with a toddler who does finally sleep (PRAISE JESUS!) but never, ever, ever stops moving when she’s awake, and then there are the ...
Continue Reading...
Banana Chocolate Muffins
These are really, really good and really, really addicting so it's a good thing they have some health benefits or I'd feel really, really guilty after eating a few.  I usually make these for the kids breakfast because most days they're up at 6:00 am so they need something easy, filling, and tasty in their bellies. These always do the trick.  Banana Chocolate Muffins 3 ripe bananas. 2 cups flour½ cup maple syrup2 eggs1 tea baking soda1 tea baking powder½ tea salt2 TB coconut oil1 tea vanilla½ cup orange juice. 1 cup dark chocolate chips Mix the first 10 ingredients together. Stir i...
Continue Reading...
Pure Goodness Spaghetti Sauce
3-4 TB olive oil (depends on how much garlic and onions you add). 1 large onion chopped 4-5 TB finely chopped fresh garlic (You can add chopped celery as well if you want) Saute these three ingredients for a few minutes. Add 4 14 ounce cans of quality tomatoes (crushed or whole is fine - I like Carmelina brand) Add as much fresh spinach as the pot will hold. 4 TB Italian seasoning 1/4 cup maple syrup 1/4 cup red wine 2 cups of tomato juice (we make our own) Salt and pepper to taste Simmer all of this on low for an hour or two.  Turn heat off and blend all together with a han...
Continue Reading...
Marriage Pep Talk and a GIVEAWAY!
In my second marriage to Ryan I have valiantly attempted to right the wrongs that I naively produced in the first marital relationship. They say “ignorance is bliss,” and I suppose that I was ignorant the first time around; however, having my eyes wide open through a second opportunity has changed my perspective on life and love. A few of my initial struggles were cemented in my identity as a strong willed, first born, young wife, and often included a lack of respect towards my husband (I knew best, of course!), and one that goes hand in hand with the respect issue, a lack of grace. I usually...
Continue Reading...
Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights
This week’s recipe is a spin off of my go to, extremely easy, “I only have 5 minutes to whip something together” dessert. The original recipe called for peanut butter, egg, and sugar. I’ve amped up the health factor by substituting some of the ingredients and adding a few more. My kids love em. Hope you do too. Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights. 1 cup almond butter 1 egg ½ cup maple syrup ½ cup pecans ½ cup dark chocolate chips. Mix everything together in a big bowl. Spoon droplets onto a cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 10-15 minutes. Just keep livin!
Continue Reading...
Numero Uno Sanity System - THE BIN
At the Ronne homestead we employ many systems in order to maintain some level of functionality for the family and for the parent’s sanity. The bin system is by far the most useful and consistent tool we use as it has been in place from almost day one of our blended family. This is a system that I grew up with (as the oldest of 10 children) and loathed with every cell of my being as a child. Funny how it made its way into my grownup family as well. The bin (or the brown box that I grew up with) is just a plastic container that holds the children’s misdemeanors for the week. The system starts ...
Continue Reading...
Healthier Chicken N` Dumplings
Simmering away and filling the house with deliciousness, my healthier take on a classic - chicken n' dumplings. This version includes bone broth, organic chicken, a plethora of herbs, and lots and lots of fresh veggies. Chicken N' Dumplings5 organic chicken breasts cut into bite sized piecesVariety of fresh veggies (carrots, mushrooms, celery, leeks, even spinach, whatever you have on hand) roughly chopped.Olive oilItalian spiceVege Sal1 tea thymeSalt if you must but the Vege Sal does a great job of seasoning if you let it.Pepper to taste2 cups water6 cups bone broth (or vegetable or chicken b...
Continue Reading...