familypic
 
JessPlusMess

Limited Edition

Autographed Copy

Sunlight Burning at Midnight a memoir by Jessica Ronne

 

Subscribe to Blog

Your Name:
Your Email:

Search

Just some random, irrelevant, humorous, and hopefully inspiring musings on life, love, faith, widowhood, remarriage, adoption, blended families, caring for a handicapped child, mothering seven children, chickens, cooking, grief, over-coming grief, and everything else in between. Just Keep Livin!!

Does Forgiveness Equal Immediate Relief?

  • Font size: Larger Smaller
  • Subscribe to this entry
  • Print


The other day my two youngest angels got into a little scuffle.  I’m not exactly sure how it all went down because I was not an actual witness to the demise of their kindness towards one another but apparently there were words spoken, unkind words, which led to one of them hitting the other one.  As I emerged from my sanctuary (the laundry room) my youngest daughter walked right up to me, hand on hip, and proudly declared that “Josh was naughty because he hit me.”  I had heard enough of the conversation between these two and their father to know that the situation had been addressed, dealt with, and apologizes had been spoken so I firmly said to her, “ Josh already said he was sorry and when someone says they’re sorry, we don’t talk about it anymore.”  My husband chuckled as I uttered those famous mom words and muttered under his breath, “Yeah, momma knows all about that.”  I immediately shot him the “look” as my heart was slowly acknowledging the fact that the Holy Spirit was looking an awful lot like my husband in that moment.  

In my marriage I have been all too guilty of bringing up past wrongs repeatedly in the heat of a discussion or argument.  I think many women suffer from this phenomenon of borderline forgiveness.  We say we forgive our husbands for something that was truly hurtful and offensive and in our hearts we sincerely want to be able to totally forgive that wrong but there is just something that won’t allow us to completely let go of it; at least for a while.  Ryan and I are working through a series about forgiveness, and I really connected with what one woman wrote about after she found out her husband had an affair.  She forgave him – at least she said she had and she wanted to, but as the issue of his affair resurfaced repeatedly in the coming months of their reconciliation they both began to doubt whether her forgiveness had been sincere and heart felt. Her husband reasoned that surely she couldn’t have forgiven him when she felt the need to continuously hurt him with what he had done.  And she couldn’t believe that he wouldn’t allow her to work through the pain of what he had done.  She needed to be able to talk it through to reach her forgiveness but he, being a man, wanted to put it in the “finished” box in his head and forget it ever happened. 

What they concluded after studying the Bible, praying, and seeking counseling in this area was that true forgiveness does take time; it is not immediate.  You choose to forgive but it can takes months or even years for the heart to truly get over it and stop rehashing it repeatedly, and the one who has been forgiven needs to be able to extend grace to the forgiver and allow the scab to be picked occasionally so that the wound can really heal with time.  This concept works for me; as a woman especially.  I can see where wrongs that truly stung in the beginning of my relationship have definitely become very small smudges as time progresses.  What at one time seemed like an insurmountable mountain for me to “get over” has been replaced with a feeling of peace as time and God’s grace provides a healing balm to some once extremely sensitive and hurtful topics.  So while it’s true that when forgiveness has been extended we should try not to talk about it anymore, it may be equally as true that there may need to be some revisiting of the events and circumstances for a woman (and I’m sure even some men) to truly wrap their minds around it all and to be able to come to a place of complete forgiveness.  Sorry guys, but in this case, God’s forgiveness can begin a good work in a marriage but you need to hold on as He is faithful to complete his good work in your wives’ lives.  

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6

Just keep livin!!
Tagged in: marriage parenting

Latest Blogs

Hope Prevails
I walked into the ultrasound room and felt the complete absence of warmth. No beauty relieved the coldness, no picture of a mother holding a child or a sunset over the water. Nothing to remind those who nervously waited of the potential for joy within the world. A large, heavyset woman poked with her stubby fingers at my thin, slightly rounded body. As the silence continued to descend, the air thick­ened with unspoken thoughts. I looked at this doctor, the expert I had been sent to, repeatedly trying to catch her eye, to shake her unmovable countenance. I wanted to see a glimpse of understandi...
Continue Reading...
Mother's Day Sale and Interview
Just a few items for consideration as you go about your week.   First - In honor of all of the wonderful mothers, grandmothers, and motherly figures in the world, I'm offering a Buy One / Get One 1/2 off sale on all autographed copies of Sunlight Burning at Midnight ordered here on the blog and also at Facebook/jessplusthemess.  It's the perfect time to buy one for yourself and then gift another to that special someone in your life. This sale will be honored all the way through to Mother's Day - May 14.  If you'd like the books sent to different ad...
Continue Reading...
Easter Memories 2017
One way we’ve been able to accomplish this desire is by peeling back many of the layers of what’s expected for a particular holiday and ask ourselves: A. Do we have the energy levels required to enjoy this activity (whatever it may be – elaborate meal, presentation, etc) or will this addition stress us out and if so, the activity needs to be eliminated or reconfigured to meet our current energy levels so that it doesn’t potentially hinder the true meaning of the holiday, and B. What simple traditions can we incorporate to ensure that our children are honoring whatever this holiday is truly a...
Continue Reading...
Two Beautiful Books, My Kid's Reactions, and a GIVEAWAY!
A few weeks ago I was offered the opportunity to review two recently released children's books, I’m Going to Give you a Bear Hug by Caroline Cooney / Illustrated by Tim Warnes and Bible Basics, A Baby Believer Counting Primer by Danielle Hitchen / Illustrated by Jessica Blanchard. 
Continue Reading...
Big Changes Are 'A Comin
Blessed but stressed has been our life motto for over three years now – ever since we made the decision to add an 8th child to our family. Some have raised questioning eyebrows with this decision, but we forged through, and we stand by the decision today as one of the best things we’ve done for our family, BUT we are tired and stretched about as thin as they come. Something about raising teenagers, and not sleeping because of a newborn, and then raising teenagers with a toddler who does finally sleep (PRAISE JESUS!) but never, ever, ever stops moving when she’s awake, and then there are the ...
Continue Reading...
Banana Chocolate Muffins
These are really, really good and really, really addicting so it's a good thing they have some health benefits or I'd feel really, really guilty after eating a few.  I usually make these for the kids breakfast because most days they're up at 6:00 am so they need something easy, filling, and tasty in their bellies. These always do the trick.  Banana Chocolate Muffins 3 ripe bananas. 2 cups flour½ cup maple syrup2 eggs1 tea baking soda1 tea baking powder½ tea salt2 TB coconut oil1 tea vanilla½ cup orange juice. 1 cup dark chocolate chips Mix the first 10 ingredients together. Stir i...
Continue Reading...
Pure Goodness Spaghetti Sauce
3-4 TB olive oil (depends on how much garlic and onions you add). 1 large onion chopped 4-5 TB finely chopped fresh garlic (You can add chopped celery as well if you want) Saute these three ingredients for a few minutes. Add 4 14 ounce cans of quality tomatoes (crushed or whole is fine - I like Carmelina brand) Add as much fresh spinach as the pot will hold. 4 TB Italian seasoning 1/4 cup maple syrup 1/4 cup red wine 2 cups of tomato juice (we make our own) Salt and pepper to taste Simmer all of this on low for an hour or two.  Turn heat off and blend all together with a han...
Continue Reading...
Marriage Pep Talk and a GIVEAWAY!
In my second marriage to Ryan I have valiantly attempted to right the wrongs that I naively produced in the first marital relationship. They say “ignorance is bliss,” and I suppose that I was ignorant the first time around; however, having my eyes wide open through a second opportunity has changed my perspective on life and love. A few of my initial struggles were cemented in my identity as a strong willed, first born, young wife, and often included a lack of respect towards my husband (I knew best, of course!), and one that goes hand in hand with the respect issue, a lack of grace. I usually...
Continue Reading...
Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights
This week’s recipe is a spin off of my go to, extremely easy, “I only have 5 minutes to whip something together” dessert. The original recipe called for peanut butter, egg, and sugar. I’ve amped up the health factor by substituting some of the ingredients and adding a few more. My kids love em. Hope you do too. Chocolate Chip Almond Butter Delights. 1 cup almond butter 1 egg ½ cup maple syrup ½ cup pecans ½ cup dark chocolate chips. Mix everything together in a big bowl. Spoon droplets onto a cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 10-15 minutes. Just keep livin!
Continue Reading...
Numero Uno Sanity System - THE BIN
At the Ronne homestead we employ many systems in order to maintain some level of functionality for the family and for the parent’s sanity. The bin system is by far the most useful and consistent tool we use as it has been in place from almost day one of our blended family. This is a system that I grew up with (as the oldest of 10 children) and loathed with every cell of my being as a child. Funny how it made its way into my grownup family as well. The bin (or the brown box that I grew up with) is just a plastic container that holds the children’s misdemeanors for the week. The system starts ...
Continue Reading...