familypic
 
JessPlusMess

Limited Edition

Autographed Copy

Sunlight Burning at Midnight a memoir by Jessica Ronne

 

Subscribe to Blog

Your Name:
Your Email:

Search

Just some random, irrelevant, humorous, and hopefully inspiring musings on life, love, faith, widowhood, remarriage, adoption, blended families, caring for a handicapped child, mothering seven children, chickens, cooking, grief, over-coming grief, and everything else in between. Just Keep Livin!!

Control

  • Font size: Larger Smaller
  • Subscribe to this entry
  • Print

I had a random thought on the way home the other day.  I was thinking back on all of the trauma and heartache I’ve been through in the past few years and how I’m such a different person now than I was even ten years ago.  The other day I wrote about how we always try to have this sense of control over everything in our lives.  That was me completely and obsessively ten years ago.  I thought I had it all planned out.  I always took pride in my intellect, whatever that may be, but the fact that I did well in college and then went on to a Master’s Program where I had a 3.9 GPA was something that I held in great regard with myself in terms of accomplishments. With that intellect I thought I could find an answer to any problem that came my way.  I tried to prove that theory eight years ago when  I was told my pregnancy with Luke would surely result in a dead child. In true Jessica fashion, I tried to research that news away.  Yes, I trusted in God but that trust revolved around the fact that my child was going to be completely normal.  I was going to take control of the situation and with MY faith move the mountain and with MY research skills prove the doctors wrong.  Looking back, I thought I was resting in the knowledge of what God’s word says, but I wasn’t exactly, I was trying to control the situation, control the doctors and control God. I had a control problem.  Later when my late husband suffered through brain cancer for three years my controlling nature again reared its ugly head when I sought to control his treatments, spent hours upon hours researching the best and newest advancements for his cancer, trying all sorts of natural and probably ridiculous remedies, and trying to control our financial situation by sending him job opportunities all the time.  Again, I tried to control the situation, I didn’t rely on God’s provision, I didn’t trust that he would care for me, I relied on my own abilities.  The person I am today is no longer that person.  It’s interesting and beautiful how God uses the ugliest situations in your life to strip you of the ugliest things in your soul.  I don’t have nearly the pretense of control anymore that I once had; I just live for the day.  I dropped out of my Master’s program 3 classes short of being done because I just don’t care anymore.  I don’t care about my intellectual image (and believe me, I come from a family of brains, 3 attorneys, 3 successful business women, and 1 Physician Assistant, all under 35) so it is a priority where I come from.  But in this moment in my life I have more important things to care about, 7 of them being under 10 years old.  Whatever it may be in someone’s life: pride, control, image, religion, self-centeredness - God will strip you clean for his glory and for his kingdom. “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6.  I generally don’t try to control anymore, but I am far from perfect. HE has and does constantly remind me it was never in my control. I’m sure he still has quite the project in me, but I don’t look to try to prove myself anymore.  For the only one I’ll ever have to answer to has already told me that I’m more than worth the price he paid at Calvary.  

Just keep livin!!
Tagged in: faith Ramblings
  • Guest
    Vertical Mom Monday, August 20, 2012

    Wow...I so needed this today. Thank you.

    Wow...I so needed this today. Thank you.

  • Please login first in order for you to submit comments

Latest Blogs

Easy One Bowl Cookies
Here's a fantastic go to cookies recipe that can be adapted in many ways.  This makes about 2 dozen cookies and they're almost guilt free as I've been able to replace many of the not so healthy ingredients with healthier ones.  Enjoy!      2 sticks of butter softened 1/2 cup maple syrup or 1 cup sugar http://www.greatrivermilling.com/organic-pancake-waffle-mixes/ 1 cup brown sugar 2 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 cups Great River Organic Milling Bread Flour Blend with oats.http://amzn.to/2F46IOg 1 tea baking soda 1 tea salt 1/2 tea baking powder 1-2 cups dark chocolat...
Continue Reading...
Winter Walk
I glanced to the left and recognized a spattering of houses and to the right – nothing but naked branches swaying in the stagnant air. I leaned into the vacancy and began moving, one foot in front of the other – the vicious cold biting my face and freezing the tears as they fell. I walked in penance for whatever grave sin I had committed – a sin which had led to a recent life of so much pain and heartache. I knew that surely if my husband held the strength to wage war against numerous rounds of poison, and my son had the strength to defy the proclamations of death voiced against him, and my c...
Continue Reading...
In Search of Snow and Fun!
A few days ago we told the kids that we had a surprise for them and to pack their bags for some fun! They were excited – some of them handle surprises better than others (my bios become highly suspicious – like their mother - whatever; it’s character building), whereas, Ryan’s bios become the happiest clan of children in the whole wide world! There’s nothing they like better than a fun time and man, when they envision a good time, they go big. Ryan and I were craving snow and worked our destination around this desire, and so off to the Smoky Mountains we went – more specifically off to Gatlin...
Continue Reading...
Grab Em and Go Waffles.
Alrighty!    Here are the waffles that we make ALL THE TIME at the Ronne house.  Our kids are up and at em early - 6:00 a.m. early, which about made me die when we first moved to Tennessee, but I have to admit, I've gotten used to the early mornings  (or I'm now 40 and don't require as much sleep).  Whatever it is, these waffles are life savers.  They are easy, filling, one bowl wonders full of nutrition, and the best part of all?  They don't require syrup which saves you (mom and dad) the hassle of needing to clean up (house and kid).  All of my kids lo...
Continue Reading...
The Ronne Recap - 2017.
Me – Mama – Queen Bee. The year began with Ryan and I realizing we needed to pursue a different kind of help for Lucas than we were receiving through the state.  For a number of reasons, which I will explain in great depth someday but not today, we were frustrated with the system and decided to pursue some stability for him with a consistent person and that thought turned into an au pair.  The plan was that she would help with Luke, the other kids, cooking, and cleaning.  Ryan built an apartment in our barn (it’s so cute), and we began the process of searching for the perfect ...
Continue Reading...
Healthy(ish) Cinnamon Rolls
Who doesn't love a warm, gooey cinnamon roll on Christmas morning, and in my opinion, it's even better if you can sneak a little nutrition into them as well!  Here's my take on our favorite Christmas treat.    Enjoy!    Just keep livin!
Continue Reading...
Broken Baby Jesus
“MOM! Annabelle broke baby Jesus again!” one of my children shouted from the family room. I sighed and walked over to my youngest who was gently holding a delicate, ceramic baby Jesus in her small hands, a ceramic baby who had been placed front and center on our coffee table during the holiday season and usually replaced every few days with a fresh application of hot glue because Annabelle had somehow managed to dismember his arm from the rest of his body once again.  “Annabelle, give Mama baby Jesus.  You broke him and Mama needs to fix him - again.” “NO MAMA! ME WANT BABY JESUS!...
Continue Reading...
A New Desk and A Podcast Debut
Remember the old metal table I had my eye on in my husband's junk pile awhile back?    It's not an old metal table anymore! Not only has he masterfully restored it to a beautiful new desk, but he's also masterfully restored an old barn on our property into a quiet space for me to write and practice yoga.  I am loving the solitude of this space when I find time to escape for a few minutes and this is where I was able to chat about life the other day with Hallie Klecker, host of the Life Well Nourished podcast. So much fun, but I should preface with one little thing before ...
Continue Reading...
Community & Belonging
I say all of this not with the intention of eliciting sympathy, no, we choose this life, and although at times we question whether or not we should pursue a move to one particular hub or another, we have decided for the time being that we are in the right place for raising our family.  This may change as kids grow and age and fly the coop, and then we could realistically look at 3 or 4 bedroom homes; however, that’s not our current reality, and we firmly believe God has us here for a reason (if not two or three reasons).  Although busyness and life often keep us from bein...
Continue Reading...
Adored {and a giveaway!}
Another book review coming from Mabel Grace. She really enjoys the spotlight (shocking, I know), and loves participating in these reviews on mom’s blog. Lindsay Franklin’s Adored devotional book for young women, was another perfect opportunity for her to showcase how relevant these books are for a young women like herself.     Hi, my name is Mabel. I am here to tell you about an amazing book that helped me with a few things that I am not very good at, well actually not at all. What I mean is that I am not good with patience. The book that I am talking to you about is called Ado...
Continue Reading...