familypic
 
JessPlusMess

Limited Edition

Autographed Copy

Sunlight Burning at Midnight a memoir by Jessica Ronne

 

Subscribe to Blog

Your Name:
Your Email:

Search

Just some random, irrelevant, humorous, and hopefully inspiring musings on life, love, faith, widowhood, remarriage, adoption, blended families, caring for a handicapped child, mothering seven children, chickens, cooking, grief, over-coming grief, and everything else in between. Just Keep Livin!!

Control

  • Font size: Larger Smaller
  • Subscribe to this entry
  • Print

I had a random thought on the way home the other day.  I was thinking back on all of the trauma and heartache I’ve been through in the past few years and how I’m such a different person now than I was even ten years ago.  The other day I wrote about how we always try to have this sense of control over everything in our lives.  That was me completely and obsessively ten years ago.  I thought I had it all planned out.  I always took pride in my intellect, whatever that may be, but the fact that I did well in college and then went on to a Master’s Program where I had a 3.9 GPA was something that I held in great regard with myself in terms of accomplishments. With that intellect I thought I could find an answer to any problem that came my way.  I tried to prove that theory eight years ago when  I was told my pregnancy with Luke would surely result in a dead child. In true Jessica fashion, I tried to research that news away.  Yes, I trusted in God but that trust revolved around the fact that my child was going to be completely normal.  I was going to take control of the situation and with MY faith move the mountain and with MY research skills prove the doctors wrong.  Looking back, I thought I was resting in the knowledge of what God’s word says, but I wasn’t exactly, I was trying to control the situation, control the doctors and control God. I had a control problem.  Later when my late husband suffered through brain cancer for three years my controlling nature again reared its ugly head when I sought to control his treatments, spent hours upon hours researching the best and newest advancements for his cancer, trying all sorts of natural and probably ridiculous remedies, and trying to control our financial situation by sending him job opportunities all the time.  Again, I tried to control the situation, I didn’t rely on God’s provision, I didn’t trust that he would care for me, I relied on my own abilities.  The person I am today is no longer that person.  It’s interesting and beautiful how God uses the ugliest situations in your life to strip you of the ugliest things in your soul.  I don’t have nearly the pretense of control anymore that I once had; I just live for the day.  I dropped out of my Master’s program 3 classes short of being done because I just don’t care anymore.  I don’t care about my intellectual image (and believe me, I come from a family of brains, 3 attorneys, 3 successful business women, and 1 Physician Assistant, all under 35) so it is a priority where I come from.  But in this moment in my life I have more important things to care about, 7 of them being under 10 years old.  Whatever it may be in someone’s life: pride, control, image, religion, self-centeredness - God will strip you clean for his glory and for his kingdom. “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6.  I generally don’t try to control anymore, but I am far from perfect. HE has and does constantly remind me it was never in my control. I’m sure he still has quite the project in me, but I don’t look to try to prove myself anymore.  For the only one I’ll ever have to answer to has already told me that I’m more than worth the price he paid at Calvary.  

Just keep livin!!
Tagged in: faith Ramblings
  • Guest
    Vertical Mom Monday, August 20, 2012

    Wow...I so needed this today. Thank you.

    Wow...I so needed this today. Thank you.

  • Please login first in order for you to submit comments

Latest Blogs

Adored {and a giveaway!}
Another book review coming from Mabel Grace. She really enjoys the spotlight (shocking, I know), and loves participating in these reviews on mom’s blog. Lindsay Franklin’s Adored devotional book for young women, was another perfect opportunity for her to showcase how relevant these books are for a young women like herself.     Hi, my name is Mabel. I am here to tell you about an amazing book that helped me with a few things that I am not very good at, well actually not at all. What I mean is that I am not good with patience. The book that I am talking to you about is called Ado...
Continue Reading...
Pizza Dough Tutorial {for a good hearty dough and a good hearty laugh!}
This past Sunday morning, a morning draped in hazy weariness due to the time change the night before, a morning where all the Ronnes were moving just a tad bit slower than usual, a morning like so many of our Sunday mornings where we gather around the table to eat cinnamon rolls, and drink coffee, and I make pizza dough for our traditional Sunday night pizza party.  A morning where I stood in the kitchen at around 10:00 am and realized my house was eerily quiet.   I glanced outside and noticed a few children playing.  I peeked down the stairwell and into the basement where I h...
Continue Reading...
Seeking Simplicity One Seed at a Time {and a giveaway!}
In the last post I detailed my acknowledgement of a social media addiction and the specific steps I have been taking to clear my head.  As these tangible steps have been put into practice, I’ve noticed a fogginess lifting.  I used to contribute the airheadedness (for lack of a better word) to the fact that I have 8 children, and I’m sure this does play a small role, but I do believe social media anxiety has also played a significant role.  Now that my head is clear(er), I find I have time to reinvest in hobbies I haven’t had time for in months or maybe years – such as reading re...
Continue Reading...
Computers, Tablets, Phones OH MY! Help for the addiction.
As a newbie writer I’m repeatedly told that no one will ever read my words if I don’t have a platform, but as a person, I’m not really into the platform concept!  I’m extremely introverted. I get all bunched up in knots if someone doesn’t agree with me or like me anymore.  I don’t so much mind sharing pieces of my life with the world, but I do mind when strangers begin to throw rocks at my words or my family because they don’t agree with something or they are simply in a pattern of self loathing and decide to take it out on me. I do participate in the online world in a pretty large...
Continue Reading...
Love and Loss {And a Giveaway!]
The baby remains absent And grandma starts chemotherapy And the “C” word enters our children’s vocabulary once again Along with the “D” word in regards to their unknown sibling And our eyes spill in response to their tears And children still starve And that woman still aches for a loving spouse And girls are raped again and again And that is the reality of what we call life. And that is why our hearts ache for something purer And bigger And more beautiful We ache for more We need more We yearn for a hereafter Where all the pain is gone And every tear is wiped from our eyes Our hearts screa...
Continue Reading...
PIZZA PARTY!
Anyway…  I needed to do some soul searching due to the information bombardment and what I felt like it was doing to my soul as it was not only sucking me dry mentally, spiritually, and emotionally, it was depriving my family of me – present, engaged, fully in tune me – which isn’t good.  It’s not good for me, and it’s not good for you either. I took stock as I so often do.  I thought about how the information was feeling overwhelming and causing me to be anxious about life which in reality I really shouldn’t be anxious about because we’re all good. We’re healthy thriving peopl...
Continue Reading...
Follow Your Heart {And a Giveaway!}
I have four beautiful daughters ranging in age from 12 on down to 2: Mya, Mabel, Jada, and Annabelle.  Four hearts that I’ve been entrusted to nurture and care for. Four young ladies with strong wills and lots of estrogen. On the one hand, I love having four daughters.  I love watching them learn life skills and grow into their own personalities. I love crafting together and thinking about our future adventures when they’re grown; meeting up somewhere fun to shop till we drop or Ryan and I watching the grandbabies for the weekend so that they can get away with their husbands - goofy...
Continue Reading...
Brave and Beautiful.
One of the best aspects of being a blogger (even a very part time blogger) are the opportunities I have to review new book releases, and I am so excited about this recent opportunity to review Brave Beauty a devotional by Lynn Cowell; a beautiful inspirational book for the young girl in your life.  Brave Beauty encourages spiritual truths that girls of all ages need to hear and be reminded of on a consistent basis. Truths such as the appeal of inner beauty, boldly living your faith, being a friend to those in need, and putting your trust in God. Cowell gently guides the reader, chapter b...
Continue Reading...
Hope Prevails
I walked into the ultrasound room and felt the complete absence of warmth. No beauty relieved the coldness, no picture of a mother holding a child or a sunset over the water. Nothing to remind those who nervously waited of the potential for joy within the world. A large, heavyset woman poked with her stubby fingers at my thin, slightly rounded body. As the silence continued to descend, the air thick­ened with unspoken thoughts. I looked at this doctor, the expert I had been sent to, repeatedly trying to catch her eye, to shake her unmovable countenance. I wanted to see a glimpse of understandi...
Continue Reading...
Mother's Day Sale and Interview
Just a few items for consideration as you go about your week.   First - In honor of all of the wonderful mothers, grandmothers, and motherly figures in the world, I'm offering a Buy One / Get One 1/2 off sale on all autographed copies of Sunlight Burning at Midnight ordered here on the blog and also at Facebook/jessplusthemess.  It's the perfect time to buy one for yourself and then gift another to that special someone in your life. This sale will be honored all the way through to Mother's Day - May 14.  If you'd like the books sent to different ad...
Continue Reading...